Happy New Year!

Old man 2012 is about to rest his weary old head while mother nature is in contractions ready to bring forth the baby of 2013. Another year down. 2012 has been filled with all sorts of stresses and joys. My parents divorced this year after 33 years of marriage. Suddenly though not unexpectedly I became the rock of my family taking on the responsibilities of 3 households. It has been….stressful. But at the end of the day I am glad that the charade of marriage is over. The grievances and grudges they have been carrying all these years are released. Now if I could only get some forward movement on getting rid of their house I could release some of the stress I am carrying. 3 households is a lot to juggle and skilled as I am at keeping the balls in the air I would like to let some of them fall. I ended a long term relationship. It was very hard. I have tried many times in the past only to pussy out at the last minute or to accept her back but this year I drew the line in the sand. No more. And I am sticking to it. I feel free in a way I have not in a long, long time. Now I can look forward to entering into new relationship(s) unencumbered by bullshit drama! YAY for drama-free zones! This year was big for my daughter as well. She has been harboring a love of geology for the past several years. She can and will talk to you about the metamorphic process for hours. I find it as boring as..well…a pile of rocks but to her it is fascinating so I do everything I can to encourage it. This year for our family vacation we went to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. It was delightful. Ok, that is a lie. It was miserable. We must have offended Thor because it rained like he had a personal vendetta against us all night every night we camped. Which meant my husband and I stayed up all night keeping the water off the roof. Everything was wet. However come morning the skies cleared and the day turned out to be beautiful (if not a bit stifling). My purpose in going camping at the cave was to do something my daughter would enjoy. What happened was that she discovered a career path. She talked to every single ranger we encountered. Every one of them was more than happy to chat about rocks and minerals to her hearts content. A couple even took her off trail. I don’t know which one it was that suggested she might want to become a Park Ranger but I would like to shake his/her hand. It lit a fire in her imagination and for the first time I saw how this obsession could become a career. And for that I am both thankful and excited. I had set a goal for myself to finish my book this year. Unfortunatly I am not going to meet that goal. I did get more than halfway through before I decided that, given the current political situation in Egypt I would have to rewrite a large portion of it. I have worked hard to make the story as accurate and believable (for the subject matter) as I possibly can and I just could not include the current state of civil unrest in my story and make it believable. So back to the board on that. However I have already started the rewrites and I am pleased that the ideas are coming fast and freely, which makes me very happy. I presented a class at a convention for the first time. It went very well and I got lots of great feedback. I was honored and delighted to be a part of it and I am hoping to have more opportunities to present in the future. But enough about the past. The future is staring me right in the face. This coming year should be another fun filled ride. I don’t believe in resolutions however I do believe in ideas. So my 2013 ideas go a little something like this: I will get back to my exercise program religiously. This every once in a while stuff is bullshit and I am over it. So back to the 2011 schedule. I can already feel my muscles thanking me.  I will work on completing my novel. Hopefully you will be getting it for Christmas next year. Fingers crossed. I WILL get out to Portland and see my favorite people in the world. I WILL! I will try to write some of my non-novel ideas down and finish up a lot of the writing projects that are half finished. I would like to start posting more to my blog. Perhaps even bring back Sunday Smut. I miss writing Smut. I will NOT go crazy from having a pre-teen daughter. I WILL NOT!!!! I will both kinky camp and family camp this summer. I will visit the inlaws and even try to have a good time. Above all I will remember that I am a beautiful, intelligent, vivacious woman. I hope you have a wonderful New Year! HUGS! Lana

Best Christmas Carol EVER!

Lots of love!

Happy Today!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Lots of love! Lana

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hope you've been good! Maybe Santa will bring you exactly what you want!

For Cynthia and Timothy

I just got back from a funeral. A dear friend's son has been missing since September. Monday the police found his body. It is, of course, a relief to have found him. My friend can find some closure even if she won't find answers. I can not begin to fathom the pain she is experiencing. I find myself bereft of words. So I will allow others to say it far better than I could. This is "I Know Exactly What Love Is".

Pre post apocalyptic thoughts

It’s a wonderful week for an apocalypse! That’s right, this Friday is the day that the Mayans will pull themselves out of their graves and sweep across the globe spreading death in their wake. Or if some of the local church billboards are to be believed Jesus (who apparently follows the Mayan calendar) will come to Earth on a shiny rainbow and take all the good kids up to heaven. Or, as my husband is hoping for, it’s the day that he begins his life as a Zombie Killer. Or, perhaps it is just the end of a sophisticated calendar system(What with all calendars having a beginning and an end). We will find out soon enough, won’t we? No. Ours is not to wonder why, ours is to do and/or die. But, sitting here on the verge of something (or nothing) I find myself getting reflective. If this is the end of the world (or another Friday) what really matters? Have I done...enough. Have I accomplished enough of the desires in my heart to be able to look back on it and say ‘Yes. Yes I had a good, good life.’? It’s a hard question. What standard against which do I measure? To my in-laws standard I have certainly failed. Not enough money made and saved. To my parents standard…well they would be satisfied if I lived in a lean-to in the woods. As long as I was happy. The only standard against which I can measure the fullness of my life is against my own. And like most things in my life, it has its’ own soundtrack. The song is “Somebody” (I believe) and is by an amazing man and a talented singer named LeRoy White. This LeRoy White http://youtu.be/gXhWvDe2s58 not those other LeRoy Whites. I couldn’t find his song on the internet but the main point is: “At the end of my days, all I pray, Is that I have somebody who really, really, really loves me.” That is the standard to which I measure my life. And to that standard I am fulfilled. I am successful beyond even my own dreams. For whatever good deed I did in my past life I was rewarded in this by finding, befriending, marrying and loving the most wonderful man in the world. It isn’t the thousands of things he does for me to show his devotion and love, it is the wonderful person he is that makes me lucky. I have never met someone like him. It is truly a privilege to share my life with him. I have a beautiful, intelligent, funny daughter who is so much her own person at times it can be her downfall. But she is all the better for it. She is the very definition of love, loved and loving. She heals hearts and delights in all. I adore her beyond words. I have an amazing group of friends whose friendship is built upon the solid foundation of self awareness and exploration. Not for us the mundane friendship built on small talk and platitudes. No, we’d rather cut right to the meat of the matter and run, laughing toward our bliss. So if the close of the week were to bring me to the end of my days I know can say without hesitation that I do have somebody, many somebodies actually who do really, really, really love me. Each of which I really, really, really love in return. So bring on the apocalypse. Bring the zombies and the Mayans and the Rapture and anything else. Because I am loved. And I’ve got 2 military supply airlift boxes full of survival gear and supplies. But mostly the love thing.

Happy Holidays!

Today I was out and about putting the last minute touches on my holiday prep. I stopped by Hobby Lobby to pick up some Chicago Bears duct tape for my father-in-law. I had printed a few 40% off coupons off from the website. I only needed 1 but I like to give them out in line. Today I gave one to the gentleman in front of me who was buying a badass Batman rail car set for his kids. The set was $150 and therefore saved $60. We chatted as the line was moving at a glacial speed and he told me thank you several times. He said he had not experienced a single act of kindness this holiday season and he was so glad to see kindness wasn't dead. I accepted his thanks and assured him it was no big deal. At that point the line split into 2 and we hit separate counters. After making our purchase we ended up walking out together. We both stopped at the Salvation Army bell ringer. I tossed in the change left over from my purchase. I was floored to see that he put in 3 $20 bills. The $60 he saved with the coupon. He winked and said "one good turn deserves another." We wished each other happy holidays with large smiles and parted ways. I won't ever see this man again but today we experienced a wonderful moment that I will carry with me this whole holiday season and beyond.

Black Friday

If you are going to be out today, may the force be with you. I am wishing you love and luck from my warm comfy bed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

As I am sure you are aware tomorrow is Thanksgiving. While I don’t jive with the tradition of the holiday (the whole pilgrims and Native Americans wash) I do appreciate the sentiment of the day. A day set aside for us to give thanks. Whether you give that thanks to a deity or if you simply take a moment to be thankful for what you have, I think it is a wonderful idea. Too often the static of the world interferes with our sense of thankfulness. As it did for me today. I woke up in a close to wonderful mood. My daughter and husband are off school and work respectively which means I did not have to set an alarm. We all got to sleep in (something that rarely happens in our house) and all woke near the same time (Thanks to the dog down the street that was so full of glee he had to share with the entire neighborhood). However soon after that my happiness began to ebb. The paycheck due today was less than anticipated. The kid was being lazy. The husband forgot something. I felt my mood slipping. But then something happened. I got onto fetlife and saw a beautiful post from a member of my chosen family where he listed some of the things he was thankful for. While it was amazingly beautiful in and of itself it also served as a reminder to me. It is easy to get mired in the bullshitery of life. I was actually dreading Thanksgiving as my oven decided a couple of days ago to take a powder. Great! I can’t cook the stupid meal in my stupid oven in my stupid house. Grumble grumble grumble. I forgot the most basic part of this particular holiday. I had lost perspective. So this is me realigning my perspective because I am grateful and thankful for just so much! I am lucky enough to be married to the most wonderful man I have ever had the privilege to meet. Every single day of my life he reminds me in a thousand little ways that I am loved. He provides for me and protects me. He cares for me. He tells me several times a day that he loves me and every single time I believe him. He makes me smile even in the darkest hours of my life. With his arms wrapped around me I know that I am home, no matter where I am. I hope that I will always prove myself worthy of him. Jason, I am thankful for you. I have an energetic, outgoing, funny, creative, talented, clever daughter who a cherish. She is the light of my life. I never thought I would have a child as they both confused and terrify me. But the universe had other plans. And though I loved her while I was pregnant I was still terrified. However when I met her, the first time I laid eyes on her it was all over. The way she looked at me as if to say “Oh, that’s you. And he must be him.” Well, I cry every time I think back. I have been privileged to watch my daughter grow from a baby to a child to a young woman. She amazes me every single day. She makes me laugh at the most absurd things. She is everything and more than I could ever ask for. I am thankful for you Iliana. I have a mother and father who love me unconditionally. This year they took the step I have been hoping they would for years and got a divorce. Freed from the stigma of marriage they are forging a friendship which is by far healthier than the life they lived as husband and wife. I am thankful for both their love and support but also for their personal growth. I am thankful for you Mom and Dad. My blood family is a series of amazing and odd individuals for which I am very grateful to have in my life. One of my greatest reasons to give thanks are my chosen family. Too often in my life the people I called friends were not. Our relationships were always one sided affairs. However there has always been an exception to that in the form of the greatest friend I have ever had: Keith. We were brought together freshman year of high school by our mutual weirdness (for lack of a better term). We brought creativity to a whole new level that many folks at the school did not know how to interpret. Even after our common schooling ended our friendship endured. Even now, across many hundreds of miles he still is the best friend I have ever had. His support has been invaluable in the most trying of times. His love has been a comfort to me. His friendship has made my happiest days that much better. All is better because he is in my life. I am thankful for you Keith. And in the same breath I must also express my thankfulness to his husband Chris. Just as Keith watched me struggling with… well we will just say the wrong partner, I watched Keith with partners who hurt, harmed or underminded this incredibly creative, intelligent man. And then there was Chris, who saw Keith for who he really was and loved him all the more for it. Chris and Keith found the kind of happiness that often you only read about. And as I grew to know him I understood why. He is an amazing man who is devoted and loving and caring and everything I could ever hope for the partner of my best friend. I am proud to call him my friend. I am thankful for you Chris. 5 or so years ago I discovered a group of kinky perverts who changed my life in the best possible way. Not only did they give me an opportunity and a place to explore all those dark parts of my mind but also extended their friendship beyond that realm into the light of day. They encouraged me to find my bliss. They supported me. They hugged me. They never used me. And they did one simple thing that I had not experienced before. They asked me how I was. Up to that point the people I called friends never asked how I was. It was always the “Them Show”. So asking me, even in the most off handed manner, how I was doing was transformative. I honestly can’t express how much these people mean to me. Sitting in the woods and talking around the campfire is a happy memory I will carry to the end of my days. All the conventions where I work alongside each of you is a treasure in my heart. Every communal meal, a delight. I love each and every one of you. Barak and Sheba I am thankful for you. The each and every member of the AIS staff, I am thankful for you. To all my friends who are just too numerous to list, I am thankful for you. You are all more than friends to me. You are my chosen family. I hope that when you are eating Turkey or whatever your tradition is, that you will pause and let all the trivialities fall away. The car that needs work. The oven that needs replaced. The bills that need paid. That is just the static. Recall the things in your life that have true meaning. The people who love you. The people you are grateful for. If you are reading this, I am grateful and thankful for you. Lots of love and tryptophan, Lana

Mistress at the Movies: Savages

It has been a while since I have done an installment of Mistress at the Movies. I’ve been wanting to but, alas, I just haven’t gotten around to it. However the movie I watched last night sparked an hour long conversation with the husband and I thought I might share.

Savages is your standard drug dealer gets into a pickle with a major cartel story. You know the one I am talking about. I will admit I was not thrilled to watch it. The husband picked it out and he is notorious for bringing home terrible rip-your-own-eyes-out-it’s-so-bad movies. Let’s just say I had my doubts. However within the first 5 minutes you could tell that there was something different about this movie. Where the standard formula is Dealer with the heart of gold + Lady friend / greedy cartel= good times, Savages deveated. Their adjusted formula was Dealer with the heart of gold + lady friend + Another dealer with a heart of gold / greedy drug cartel = good time. I know what you are thinking ‘Oh good gods! Not another love triangle!’ but that is where you are wrong. Because while there are three leads, in the entirety of the movie there was no rivalry or jealousy. These 3 characters were in a completely open, completely honest, completely inclusive polyamorous relationship. I watch a ton of movies. Well, a metric fuck-ton to be exact. Time and time and time and time again I see the “traditional” relationship dynamics on the screen. Most often it is man + woman. Sometimes it is man + man or woman + woman. If there is a 3rd character in the mix it is usually if not always an unfaithful lover, or the big decision the main character needs to make. “Do I love person A more than I love person B”. And in the end everyone is happy. (except usually person B). Only a few times have I seen the “non traditional” relationship dynamics. There have been movies that tried to tackle the subject of polyamory (Threesome). Of this small minority of movies most often the depiction relates to a religious backing for multiple wives (Ie.. Big Love, the King and I, etc). But when this subject is broached it is ALWAYS Man + woman + woman. Why? Because girl on girl has been the accepted exception to the rule. I think that is sad. Don’t get me wrong. I love girl on girl. (My porn collection can attest to that!) The few times I have seen a movie that encorperates 2 men and a woman have been clumsily done and it was quite obvious that the director had made cuts to make the movie more commercially viable. Savages didn’t. Within the first 5 minutes it is established yes, there is a dealer with a heart of gold played by Taylor Kitsch of John Carter notoriety, and yes there is the girl he loves (Blake Livey) but there is also another dealer with a heart of gold (the scrumptious Aaron Taylor-Johnson). They don’t fight. They don’t screw around behind each others backs. They aren’t jealous. They are simply happy. I liked that a lot. They don’t seek to justify the relationship, it simply is. Sure, others aren’t exactly sure what is going on. Is she with him or him, or both? But never once in the movie do they spell it out to these outsiders. And the impression that you get is that it is a VERY STRONG relationship. Both men love this woman but what is more, the men love each other. That is referenced by several of the outsiders. “Don’t fool yourself girl, those two love each other more than they love you.” Whereas it is perfectly obvious that the men do love the girl (the plot kind of hangs on that point) they do clearly love each other. Minus the swishy sterotypes. What a refreshing change! The movie itself is long (over 2 hours) and as I said a bit formulaic. However it was pretty well acted and did keep me entertained. The cinematography is decent to good and Oliver Stone's direction keeps the long story moving most of the time. Is it a cinematic masterpiece? No. However as many times as I have seen Drug Dealer Vs Cartel I had not seen this vision of it. And as I said it was a refreshing change of pace. Did I wish they would have pushed further? Well of course! There were a few times when they pulled their punches when it came to man-man love. However there was enough chemistry between the two male leads that I bought that there was a deep love there. I told my husband afterward that they finally made a movie that some of my poly friends might be able to relate to. Beyond the poly value there were other draws. I love me some Benicio Del Toro. And Selma Hyack is enough of a reason for me to watch in and of itself. However as talented as Benicio is and as hot as Selma is (yes, she is smokin!) it was the love of these 3 people that drives the movie. And I dug that. My only serious complaint (besides the need for a touch more editing to cut down the length of the movie) was the prop weed used. In this day in age there is no excuse for using brown tobacco and calling it weed. That little oversight started a 10 minute conversation between the husband and I about what was being smoked. Was it hash? However the living plants looked tasty as hell so I forgave them their tobacco faux pas. If you are interested in seeing a different take on the usual then check out Savages.

MY MAN! O-motherfucking-H!

Who has 2 thumbs and thought Paranormal Activity 4 sucked big horse dick? THIS GIRL!

There are very few things in the world that I enjoy more than blasting my Halloween CD and decorating the house w/the fam.

Just got American Horror Story dvd. So excited! SPOOKIFY ME!

If you haven't seen the OSU marching band's tribute to video games you are missing out! Proud to be a band geek!

They say it's my birthday!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

COPE Report

Gather round kiddies and I will tell you the tale of COPE 2012! So I have just emerged from my post COPE coma. Honestly I could use another week in bed but that just means that I did something right! The first thing I did right this time was to bring my husband with me. This was his first event where he really participated. And boy did he love it! Which made me more than a little bit happy! Here's the scoop. If you haven't been to COPE or WW (and why exactly haven't you?) then you wouldn't be aware that there is a Friday night theme. If you have been then you know what I am talking about. These themes range all over the place but I was thrilled to find out that this year's theme was "Steampunk". After a bit of agnoizing I put together a couple of outfits that looked pretty darn good (if I do say so myself!). Whatchathink?

This is me in my Steampunk finery. Many thanks to THE Coral Mallow for sending me the gorgeous necklace!

And this is the husband looking DAMN GOOD as a Steampunk sheriff.

I worked pretty hard on our hats. This is mine. The Dread Pirate coined the term Steampimp and I think that I was looking rather Steampimp with my ostrich feather!

And this is the sheriff star that I made with my own two little hands for Jason's Steampunk cowboy look. Not too bad! I had such a blast at the Meet-N-Greet where I learned new terms, such as: "Steam Bustle: An Early Sibian" and "Anal Engineer Massager: One who eases the way". I may never leave home without my "Chastity Ray-Gun: Weapon of ultimate torture" and I laughed myself silly at "Anal Steam: Oh Doctor. The enema might have been a little too hot!" I ended up turning in early so I didn't get to play with everyone I wanted to, however I did get to set some lovelies aflame. Which always makes me happy! The next day I TAUGHT my first class at a major convention! Together with my partner in crime, Peach, we presented "Let me touch your sole: Pedicures for service and pleasure". I was a bit nervous as I have only presented at smaller group gatherings before but my nervousness was baseless. The class went better than I could have imagined. I got nothing but positive feedback. It left me with quite the lovely glow. And my hubby made a name fo himself by giving foot rubs during the class. I think he may have made a few friends for life! I got to atten only one other class due to time concerns but what a class it was. Julian Wolf's Role Playing class was amazing! And I got to fan my crush a bit! :) I got to scene a bit with a few friends. SO much fun! More fire,sensual scenes and a massage or two! Many thanks to all my friends for the amazing scenes! I heart you all! In the end the weekend was over too quickly. I had an amazing time! And my husband had a lot of fun. He now is way less intimiadated than he was to begin with. I might even convince him to play outside the hotel room next time! Fingers crossed! Is it really 6 months till Winter Wickedness?

Attention World! I HEART VODKA! That is all.

Rest In Peace Michael Clark Duncan. I am sad I will never see that smile or hear that bass again.

So long Neil Armstrong! You inspired me and my kid. Enjoy your return to the stars!

The best dog in the world, Max, has been feeling bad the last few days. His daddies are beside themselves. Send all 3 love with me! My heart is in Portland.

HOME!!! Looooong trip but a good one. Looking forward to sleeping in my own bed but right now this Lana needs a shower to wash the nature off! :) hugs to all!

Goodbye Ohio! See you soon! Hello Kentucky!

Rest In Peace Sally Ride.

PxS and Twisted Tryst

Hiya kiddies! Gather round! It's story time! I have been fairly rushed off my feet with all the kinky goodness I have been rolling around in lately. Power Exchange Summit 2 weekends ago I was privileged to attend pXs; The Power Exchange Summit. This was a wonderful event for everyone in every type of power exchange relationship. I was interested to attend this event as my husband and I have a Owner/property relationship. My husband has also made the decision to take a more active role in my kinky life. He is tired of my not getting the service at events that he and I both feel I need/deserve and my coming home exhausted and wiped out. So he has stepped his game up. In addition to that he also wishes to stretch his muscles and get over his fear of the community. Unfortunately he was not able to attend PXS but I was. There I was able to attend several classes focusing on the spiritual aspect of power exchange which I really enjoyed. I can't remember all of the class names and who taught but I will definitely try to make that list available in the near future. In addition to amazing classes they also had a couple of fun burlesque and talent sharing shows to keep all us kinky folks entertained and more than a little turned on. In case you ever wondered, black light + hot woman in white + a second set of white gloved hands + black light responsive rope = HOOOOOTTTT!!!! Master Cowboy's black light whip scene was.... amazing! 4 naked ladies receiving percussion play made me more than a little envious. And the whole burlesque show made me squishy in my pants. YUM! Another unique experience was the Pamporium. A place for us Toppy Dommy types to get pampered. I got a lovely foot rub and a pedicure from a really hot chica! A lovely idea! I had never attended an event without the play space so it was a new experience. A good experience. And not just because I got to put together the leather quilt. . (MMmm....50 lbs of leather! Yummy!). It was very interesting to take a step back from what I "expect" from an event and allow my mind to work in other ways. I really enjoyed the experience! Many thanks to Master Dan and dawn for spearheading this event! Twisted Tryst This past weekend I stuffed SweetPeach's car like a Thanksgiving turkey and we headed off for Twisted Tryst, a wonderful outdoor Kinky camping event! Ok, I hear those of you who know me say "what? You? Camping?!" I know, I know! But I stretched my comfort limits and roughed it for the weekend. And boy am I glad I did! I was nervous about going since I am not an outdoorsy type of gal but I put on my big girl panties and trusted that it would be a good weekend. And it really, REALLY was! Though I didn't play with... heck, any new people I did get a chance to spend some quality time with my AIS family. It was a time of communing and enjoying each other's energy. I ended up service Topping quite a few folks. Offering up massages and fire to those who wished to experience the thrill of outdoor play whilst staying close to our bonfire! :) Picture this: The sun dips down below the horizon. Darkness wraps all around me and my play partner. My table is set up on the only level bit in a luscious green field. A coolish wind blows playfully over the skin of the beautiful body laying naked upon my table. The only real light is coming from my fire wand and the paths of fire streaking down the naked flesh (and maybe a little from the bonfire a bit off from my table). The fire mingles with the cool wind creating interesting tug of sensations. Sound good? Ok, now let me flip my play partner over and now not only am I doing wonderful things to their front bits but they also have a clear view of an amazing field of stars. The little/Big dipper (dunno which) is directly over head. Can you really get any better than that? On top of all of that fun I got to attend several classes. Dan and dawn's sense-o-rama brought a lot of new ideas to the forefront of my brain. Don't worry Dan! I'm doing my homework! Scotty (mmmmm...Scotty.... who should be a fetish all on his own) presented a great class on Rhythm and Impact which began with the fundamentals about finding the rhythm of our breath. A great reminder for all. And he introduced me to a new toy which I have already ordered. Yay for new toys! I also got to see Sheba and Barak's Brat play class.. again...ideas!!!!! I think I dropped in on a few other classes but I am not remembering right now. Anyway, they were top shelf as well! In case you didn't hear the AIS Barbarian Whore'd invaded Tryst. So come the Naughty Gras parade we all donned our best Whore'd-ing gear and paraded the grounds! This was especially fun for me as I had spent most of the day designing and executing several outfits for the Whore'd. And I must say we looked pretty damn good! By the end of the parade we were all hot and tired so we invaded the pool. Funny in it's own way. The lounge chairs went from sunscreen and towels to fur and Viking helmets! :) Speaking of the pool this was also my first ever experience with full daytime nudity. Well at least long term. It was so warm and lovely out that often I just couldn't bring myself to dress. So I went without. Parts of my body which had not seen the sun since I was 2 got to bask in the warmth (or rather the cool of the pool). The nakedness coupled with the fact that I did not put on a lick of makeup the whole weekend caused an unexpected revelation. Often I get so worked up about what I will wear when playing (shut up! I do think about it occasionally) that it can sometimes detract from the play itself. If I am worrying about my makeup or my outfit I am not giving my all to a scene. So it was an unexpected liberation to not have to worry. I kept my hair in a bun the whole time and wore clothes (not outfits) when I wanted to. Translate all that to: I ceased to worry about what I looked like and it was wonderful! And you know what? The world didn't end because my eyeliner wasn't perfect! How about them apples? There was a "wish tree". All throughout the weekend you could go to the tree (which was really several very large tree sized branches buried in the ground) and attach a wish, a thought, a note. Anything you wished to "get rid of" in your life. Every year at New year I do a burning bowl ceremony to eliminate the negative so I don't carry it over to the new year. This was similar to that because the last night we burnt the tree and the "wishes". This was one of the most beautiful experiences of my recent life. We started a drumming circle which was in full effect when the sun dipped down and the tree was set alight. We continued to drum until the whole thing was consumed by flame. I was not prepared for how this would affect me and I found myself crying at several points during the burning ceremony. The raw energy. Seeing the wishes burn and lift still flaming into the sky before they disappeared. The whole ritual was.... otherworldly. A cleansing that was desperately needed as it turns out. All in all Tryst was an absolutely amazing experience. I am thrilled to be part of the Tribe! We are all One Tribe, y'all! So that is it for now! I miss you all and am sending you lots of love and squishy hugs!!!

Having attempted to post 3 times & having the apparatus turn off on me each time I suppose I shouldnt post. But let me say quickly GRRRRR! F%*K!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!!

Obama comes out... shamelessly stolen from themasterandhisslave.com

This week made history and for once in a good way! The President of the United States said he supports gay marriage. Not pussyfooting around it. Flat out support! It makes you wonder if there isn't some hope left. I've been trying to figure out how to respond as right out of the gates I was overrun by all sorts of vileness. "Obama is just pandering to court the gay vote!" "Obama doesn't give a shit about gays and if you believe him you are a fucking idiot!" and "Obama is just doing this for politics!". Actual quotes from people I thought to be open minded, rather liberal, and as far as I knew pro-gay marriage. Somehow for the first time The President of the United States flat out said that he is pro-equality (because lets not fuck around here. Anto-gay marriage means anti-equality) is bad because they believe it is politically motivated. I couldn't disagree more. I don't give a shit the reason, I am just thrilled. It makes me think that there might still be some hope out there. When I heard my president, and I am proud to call him my president, say he supported gay marriage I swear I heard a distant crack. Like the precursor to an avalanche! My best friend pupslave keith put it better than I possibly could. So here are his thoughts on the matter. I couldn't agree more!

"i don’t know how orchestrated or planned the moment was. i don’t know if it was a wise political move or one that may have just cost him the next election. i don’t know why the moment to do it was now, as opposed to months ago or months ahead. what i do know is that i was uncharacteristically at a loss for words. i did not see this coming. the president has publicly announced that he’s on O/our side. as i sat back and pondered the moment, i felt a swell of emotion flow through my body. i thought of all the bullied gay kids out there, contemplating suicide as a formidable escape suddenly knowing that the president of the united states is on their side. i think of the thousands and thousands of gay brothers and sisters who died from aids because president reagan couldn’t even mention them in a sentence. i think of the centuries and decades in which gay people found it not only impossible to dream of gay marriage, but the idea of even being accepted into a family of their own. i think of all those in the past who had been shut out of hospital rooms, thrown out of their apartments, written out of wills, treated like human garbage because they dared to be themselves and openly love another human being. i think of the same-sex parents who now have a president publicly supporting the sacrifices and the love they have for their children. now, i know that president obama’s statement doesn’t really change anything in the eyes of the law. but it says something about how he has decided to face this re-election bid – on his own terms, being free from the fears that so often kept him from being the truly great president he should be. he is prepared to let the chips all where they may. he has drawn a line in the sand clearly contrasting his moral beliefs with those his opponent, a man who wants to abolish all rights for gay americans and writes checks for institutes administering “gay cures.” i don’t know what will happen from here, but for the rest of history, there is now a sitting president of the united states who publicly stated his support for my – and thousands of my gay brothers and sisters – right to love. and despite the politics involved, that is a truly beautiful and remarkable thing."

Damnit! I had a pretty blog post that was supposed to have hit yesterday but the site seems to have eaten it. :( HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST FRIENDS, KEITH! XO

I'm rather amused that when I typed "ebay" into my computer it asked me if I meant "extreme restraints".

Just got a new sheet of Pixar stamps! Ratitouie, Toy Story, Up, (Cars blah) & Wall-E! Lucky folks will get them in the mail. In any case they make me smile!

Sooo hot in Cleveland!

Hola mi amigos y amigas y otros! 2 years of High School Spanish for you ladies and gentlemen! Being an exceedingly polite person I will ask how your weekend was before we get to mine. Do you do anything fun? Really? Oh no! Uh-huh. Ok. Enough about you. Let’s focus on me! Because I had a very full weekend indeed! It all started when I took my husband to the local Family Video to rent all the movies for the Avengers Movie Marathon he and my daughter were planning. Iron Man 1 and 2, Thor, Captain America, and The Hulk. However he asked me to help him look around the “back room”. Sure, why not? And what to my wondering eye should appear but a parody porn of Batman.

YES, PLEASE! So I grabbed that up and ran home to pop it in. So….freaking…..good!!! I mean creepy as all get out at times but totally worth every penny. I may have to buy it even.

So having obtained my husbands virtual babysitters I jumped in the car and peeled out of there. As all fans of margaritas know this weekend was Cinco de Mayo and how better to celebrate that to head up to S.M.A.R.T.’s Kinko de Mayo! I have never had the pleasure of attending Kinko before so I was eagerly anticipating exploring what Cleveland has to offer. And it has quite a bit. As if you didn’t know already! The S.M.A.R.T. staff and volunteers created a very welcoming environment which quickly puts you at ease. Which is saying something concidering I missed the turnoff by a good 100 streets. Talk about frazzled! However once in the energy I had a good time. Got to do some fire topping for THE Coral Mallow (heehee) which was hot in so many ways. And afterwards I had not one person ask to give it a try. I felt a little bad about that until my ever-so-smart husband pointed out that I had to leave almost immediately afterward. Family emergency So back in the car. 2 hours back home. A restless night. However the next day all was revealed to be alright and the world spun on. I ended up getting to coach my kid’s soccer game which was fortunate as Jason went into hyper aggressive coach mode. I had to pull him and make him take a lap. But my kids won! After that and lunch with the fam I left Jason with several hundred dollars to buy a new PS3 and off I headed back north. (What? Didn’t I tell you ours died? Oh yeah. Went toe up right in the middle of my husband and daughter’s Avengers movie marathon. Yeah, we geek out like that.) 2 more hours and a frightening moment on a bridge when a cop pulled sideways cutting off traffic from entering the southbound lane of the bridge and I was baaacccckk! Missed a couple of classes but was able to spend some truly glorious time by the river in a marvelous little patch of sunlight with Coral. Yay! Then in for a very interesting class on primal play and elemental play. After that I went out and had some amazing dinner with some terrible folks…wait…strike that…reverse it…thank you… I had some terrible dinner with some amazing folks but it was fodder for much laughter and in the end Coral had Godiva chocolate so no one got hurt.  I did make some new friends whom I hope I have the opportunity to hang out with oddles more. I even got to play for a minute before I had to head back home.

Sunday I could have happily stayed in bed and slept all the doo dah day however there were other responsibilities which called to me. A quick sermon and then the remaining Avengers movies left: Thor and The Hulk. Then at 1:30 we piled in the car, ponied up the cash and went to see The Avengers. I have never been so happy to give someone my money. I really and truly wish there was a tip jar for the director because I would have dropped some in. Joss Whedon, I just love you. I want to say more, but I daren’t ruin a single moment of the film for anyone else. If you have seen it, you understand. If you haven’t, what the hell are you doing reading this. GO! Watch! I will wait………. …..la…laa….la…laaaa…… …..Ok, you’re back? RIGHT?!?! Comic book come to life? SOOOO good! I hit the sheets Sunday night like a ton of bricks.

Happy 4/20

Today is April 20th.

It is also Hitler's birthday which proves, in my mind, that if there is a god, he/she/it/they have a sense of humor. Because what better way to torture him for all eternity than to bring people of every race, religion and orientation together on his birthday to smoke a ton and do absolutely nothing. The anti-aryan dream.

Which makes me laugh.

So take a hit if you hate Hitler!

Just saw Dark Shadows trailer. Tim Burton must be stopped.

Britney Spears' home sold for more than a million over asking? Screw St Joseph. Im burying a statue of Britney when the time comes to sell this place!

$300 later we have new tires. I know we need them but I kind of resent them too. At least our money went to a local business. soothes the sting.

I know you've been wondering my opinion of the new TMNT movie. Here it is: "Fuck Michael Bay!" That is all.

That...was....TERRIBLE!

Watching Breaking Dawn with my kid. Who says Im not a masochist?

Parents getting divorced today. Im empty.

Just moved most of the contents of my basement to the curb. So for all you Lana-stalkers out there, Christmas has come early!

RIP David Jones

Davey Jones, front man and tamborine player extrodinare passed away yesterday after suffering a heart attack at the age of 66.

I am caught off guard by this in a way I did not expect.

I grew up watching The Monkees. I didn't know or care that the band was put together for the show. All I knew was that they made me laugh and I dug their songs. I watched every single episode by the time I was 10. I still have the dubbed VHS tape my Aunt Diane taped off of MTV when they did a Monkees marathon back in the late 80s/early 90s. It is one of the reasons I still own a VHS player in working condition. I love the Monkees. To this day at least once a week when I am cruising around I pop in their CDs and jam out. Sure it's bubblegum for the most part, but it makes me smile.

Though I have followed Mickey, Mike, Peter and Davey's post Monkees lives with interest I never thought that perhaps they may make an early exit. Part of my childhood died with Davey yesterday. I am far more effected by Davey's passing that by Whitney Houston's.

However I am not one of mourn the dead. I much prefer to celebrate the life. With that in mind here are a few Monkees tidbits just in case they bring a smile to your heart the way they did for me.

Supposedly the last preformance of the Monkees. I'm singing with you Davey!

I monkee walk with the best of them!


A silly little song that makes me laugh.

I love my husband.

Last night, as I lay sick as a dog in bed, he went out and rented me the first season of Six Feet Under. I have never watched this series but my hubby knows of my love affair with Dexter...I mean...Michael, so he thought I might enjoy it. I am so glad that he did.

I knew the show was about a family mortuary business but I had no idea that it also carried such relevant gay content. I was thrilled to see characters that were more than just charactatures of the gay experience.

One episode dealt with a gay couple doing nothing but minding their own business when a couple of assholes roll up and decide to teach the "fags" a lesson.....with a metal pipe. One of the gay characters died.

While I watched this, heart hurting, my husband broke into tears. Full on crying. I asked if he was alright. He replied "It's just so senseless! I can not comprehend that kind of cruelty!"

And that is (one of the many reasons) why I love my husband.

Im a little horrified that Family Video doesnt carry movies like Brokeback Mountain because they concider it "unwholesome" but they stock The Human Centipede.

Significant day

My mother has finally done it. She has pulled the trigger on her marriage. Today the camel's back is broken.

32 years.

I am happy that after many false starts it is going to happen. Suffice it to say that mom+dad=bad. Perhaps this will
Balance the equation. However I would be remiss if I didn't confess that a small part of me is scared. I mean, they are my parents. And they are both so very damaged that I fear for them.

So once again the game board shifts.

And I will adapt. But right now I'm feeling pretty crap!

I wanted to take a moment to comment on an absolutely amazing present I was given this Christmas. I was gifted with an amazing leather hood from Master Christopher. This is the first piece of leather that I have been presented and I am very humble and grateful. Thank you so much Master Christopher. I am honored.

I would have included a picture but my husband is closterphobic and won't try it on,e ven for a picture. So I will have to find a brave soul to model it for a photo shoot.

Again, Master Christopher, thank you. I appreciate the history of this piece and I will do my utmost to honor it.

Buy a cookie and take a stand for equality!

Well it's Girl Scout cookie time!

I got on here to do my normal schpeal for anyone who might be interested in ordering some delicious girl scout cookies. However this will be slightly different that my original intention.

See I posted to my fet page in case any kinksters wanted some yummy cookies and almost immediatly my friend Mynx got me hip to the "boycot" going down. You can read about it here but the short version is that there is a 7 year old transgendered girl who was admitted to Girl Scouts. This of course was unacceptable to a narrow minded christian biggot who has started an online boycot of girl scout cookies. ANyone want to guess where I fall on this issue?

The Girl Scouts have a policy of acceptance for all who identify as a girl, be they gay, straight, trans, queer, bi or anything else. If you are a girl and you want to scout then you are welcome. Unlike the bullshit Boy Scouts, the Girl Scouts have consistently backed lesbian troop leaders even in the face of boycots and biggotry.

In the wake of this bullshit boycott, a counter boycott has sprung up. If you support equality and if, to borrow an idea from a pretty famous guy who will be celebrated tomorrow, you believe that noone should be judged except by their character, then give a thought to picking up a box of Girl Scout cookies. If you don't want to eat the cookies themselves then maybe take a page from the woman in the article and donate them to a local GLBQT center like Stonewall. In fact if you would like to donate cookies but dont' ahve a local youth center or gay rights center then I will also be acception donations and will donate it to our local center.

If you do want to order some delicious cookies, they cost $3.50 a box (a steal for the yumminess) and I will be taking orders for my kid until Jan 30th. After that I may be able to help you out, but it's best to get orders in by the 30th. Cookies are delivered the first week of March.

NHO= no hydrogenated oils
OGTF= zero grams trans fat

Trefoils- delicate tasting shortbread that is delightfully simple an satisfying! NHO, OGTF

Do-si-dos- crisp and crunchy oatmeal cookies w/creamy peanut butter filling. NHO, OGTF, No artificial color or flavoring.

Samoas- tender vanilla cookies,covered with Carmel, rolled in toasted coconut, and striped with rich chocolatey coating. OGTF

Dulce de leche- inspired by the classic confections of Latin America, these sweet bite sized cookies are rich with milk Carmel chips. NHO, OGTF.

Thank u berry much- real premium cranberries provide a delightful tartness in these hearty cookies sweetened by creamy white fudge chips. Crispy rice provides a satisfying crunch. Thank u for supporting the girl scouts. NHO,OGTF

Tagalongs- tasty cookies topped with creamy peanut butter and covered with lucious chocolatey topping. OGTF

Thin Mints- A thin wafer covered with smooth chocolatey coating. Made with natural peppermint. OGTF

AND NEW THIS YEAR!
Savannah Smiles- celebrate the anniverary of girl scouting with these bite-sized lemon wedge cookies dusted with powdered sugar and bursting with zesty lemon flavor. Enjoy these delightful treats , remember where girl scouting began.... And smile! NHO, OGTF
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Happy New Year!

Well for the moment anyway. Because I am calling a mulligan on last night. A re-do is definitely in order. Luckily I don't hold holidays to the calendar date so a re-do is definitely do-able.

Here's what happened:

The stage was set. My daughter and I had a delightfully Girly day together. We did nails and talked about boys and whatnot. Then she went off to church for the burning bowl cermony and new year party. If you have never participated in a burning bowl ceremony it is an amazing ritual where you release negativities from your life through writing them down and then burning them. It can be highly transformative. It ha always been a family tradition to do one on New Years Eve. Plus the church does theirs on magicians flash paper so it's particularly badass! Afterward everyone goes next door for "The World Championship of Apples to Apples". Btw if you don't know what Apples to Apples is then you need to google it right now. They close the whole shabang out by toasting the new year w/sparkling cider at 10. They're old mostly. So off my kid went for a night she always looks forwar to. I sit down to relax.

Not to be.

See NYE is not a big deal to me. My husband always works both NYE and New Year Day. And he works eeeaarly! 5:30! Which means we stay up till12:01 and then hit the hay. We never get to go to a party and as this is a well known fact I don't get invited to them anymore.
No big deal as I wouldn't spend NYE with anyone but my partner. So we make do. he gets home about 8 ish we still have a great night. Sometimes we go out to dinner and/or a movie. This year we opted to stay in.

I had a thick steak marinating since Friday. I had a cute little outfit picked out, makeup at the ready so thy when he walked through the door I could be waiting with a perfectly seared steak (he likes his black around the edges ::shudder::), home made mashed potatoes, fresh peas, a cold can of Mt Dew and looking like an adorable housewife. We would then watch a movie while we ate his favorite meal. Afterward we would sip our champagne with fresh sliced strawberries and explore each others bodies until we barely had enough energy to raise our glasses totals our final sip after toasting midnight.

Yeah. That was the plan.

Instead I got a call from my husband around 4. The car is smoking. Why? Because whm we took it into the shop last week theyCHANGED TE WRONG HOSE! not the one that wasspitting antifreeze all over my engine block! Another one that didn't need to be changed! Plus we are still having problems from when they changed our fuel pump! Grrrr! Of course he is down in Westerville and our shop is in Mansfield. So I had to walk 2 very wet mile to my parents house to get my dads car. I had gotten all dressed up an dolled up but I think the effect was ruined by the time I got the car. Then I head down to his work just as he is getting off work. Instead of steak I was waiting with antifreeze. We then take the car to my uncles house which is not too far away. He confirms that the hose was not changes but doesnt offer to help (eventhough he is a mechanic). So We leave the car there over night. Just try to get a tow truck on NYE! I drive him home.

Jason now has a massive headache. He spent his lunch break and both regular breaks making calls about the car. Of course the shop can't look it till Monday. So he has to borrow my parents car to get to work Sun and Mon. Joy. Anyway he didn't eat all day. All12 hours in a hot allzheimers unit of a nursing home! So while he showered I cooked the food as quickly as I could. I had put the potatos on for a couple of hours in a crockpot hoping they would be soft enough. Nope. Sothe potatoes turned out badly. Thankfully the steak came out perfect! As did the peas. We had a reasonably good dinner. I let Jason choose the movie. He opted for V season 2, which he loves. We then get snuggly with our champagne.

Yeah.

It wa terrible! Tasted like it had been stored in a boiler. Ugh! Ended up making us both sick to our stomachs.

So no sex.

Do you understand why I am calling a mulligan? New Year Eve has been rescheduled for Monday night. I'm really excited for it!

Today however I am about to head off to go get the car towed. Joy!

To everyone I hope you had a wonderful NyE and I wish you bogong but happiness, good sex and I hope you win the fucking lottery! And remember if your NYE didnt go down as you would have liked, see you Moday!