Wednesday, November 21, 2012
As I am sure you are aware tomorrow is Thanksgiving. While I don’t jive with the tradition of the holiday (the whole pilgrims and Native Americans wash) I do appreciate the sentiment of the day. A day set aside for us to give thanks. Whether you give that thanks to a deity or if you simply take a moment to be thankful for what you have, I think it is a wonderful idea. Too often the static of the world interferes with our sense of thankfulness. As it did for me today. I woke up in a close to wonderful mood. My daughter and husband are off school and work respectively which means I did not have to set an alarm. We all got to sleep in (something that rarely happens in our house) and all woke near the same time (Thanks to the dog down the street that was so full of glee he had to share with the entire neighborhood). However soon after that my happiness began to ebb. The paycheck due today was less than anticipated. The kid was being lazy. The husband forgot something. I felt my mood slipping. But then something happened. I got onto fetlife and saw a beautiful post from a member of my chosen family where he listed some of the things he was thankful for. While it was amazingly beautiful in and of itself it also served as a reminder to me.
It is easy to get mired in the bullshitery of life. I was actually dreading Thanksgiving as my oven decided a couple of days ago to take a powder. Great! I can’t cook the stupid meal in my stupid oven in my stupid house. Grumble grumble grumble. I forgot the most basic part of this particular holiday. I had lost perspective.
So this is me realigning my perspective because I am grateful and thankful for just so much!
I am lucky enough to be married to the most wonderful man I have ever had the privilege to meet. Every single day of my life he reminds me in a thousand little ways that I am loved. He provides for me and protects me. He cares for me. He tells me several times a day that he loves me and every single time I believe him. He makes me smile even in the darkest hours of my life. With his arms wrapped around me I know that I am home, no matter where I am. I hope that I will always prove myself worthy of him. Jason, I am thankful for you.
I have an energetic, outgoing, funny, creative, talented, clever daughter who a cherish. She is the light of my life. I never thought I would have a child as they both confused and terrify me. But the universe had other plans. And though I loved her while I was pregnant I was still terrified. However when I met her, the first time I laid eyes on her it was all over. The way she looked at me as if to say “Oh, that’s you. And he must be him.” Well, I cry every time I think back. I have been privileged to watch my daughter grow from a baby to a child to a young woman. She amazes me every single day. She makes me laugh at the most absurd things. She is everything and more than I could ever ask for. I am thankful for you Iliana.
I have a mother and father who love me unconditionally. This year they took the step I have been hoping they would for years and got a divorce. Freed from the stigma of marriage they are forging a friendship which is by far healthier than the life they lived as husband and wife. I am thankful for both their love and support but also for their personal growth. I am thankful for you Mom and Dad.
My blood family is a series of amazing and odd individuals for which I am very grateful to have in my life.
One of my greatest reasons to give thanks are my chosen family. Too often in my life the people I called friends were not. Our relationships were always one sided affairs. However there has always been an exception to that in the form of the greatest friend I have ever had: Keith. We were brought together freshman year of high school by our mutual weirdness (for lack of a better term). We brought creativity to a whole new level that many folks at the school did not know how to interpret. Even after our common schooling ended our friendship endured. Even now, across many hundreds of miles he still is the best friend I have ever had. His support has been invaluable in the most trying of times. His love has been a comfort to me. His friendship has made my happiest days that much better. All is better because he is in my life. I am thankful for you Keith.
And in the same breath I must also express my thankfulness to his husband Chris. Just as Keith watched me struggling with… well we will just say the wrong partner, I watched Keith with partners who hurt, harmed or underminded this incredibly creative, intelligent man. And then there was Chris, who saw Keith for who he really was and loved him all the more for it. Chris and Keith found the kind of happiness that often you only read about. And as I grew to know him I understood why. He is an amazing man who is devoted and loving and caring and everything I could ever hope for the partner of my best friend. I am proud to call him my friend. I am thankful for you Chris.
5 or so years ago I discovered a group of kinky perverts who changed my life in the best possible way. Not only did they give me an opportunity and a place to explore all those dark parts of my mind but also extended their friendship beyond that realm into the light of day. They encouraged me to find my bliss. They supported me. They hugged me. They never used me. And they did one simple thing that I had not experienced before. They asked me how I was. Up to that point the people I called friends never asked how I was. It was always the “Them Show”. So asking me, even in the most off handed manner, how I was doing was transformative. I honestly can’t express how much these people mean to me. Sitting in the woods and talking around the campfire is a happy memory I will carry to the end of my days. All the conventions where I work alongside each of you is a treasure in my heart. Every communal meal, a delight. I love each and every one of you. Barak and Sheba I am thankful for you. The each and every member of the AIS staff, I am thankful for you. To all my friends who are just too numerous to list, I am thankful for you. You are all more than friends to me. You are my chosen family.
I hope that when you are eating Turkey or whatever your tradition is, that you will pause and let all the trivialities fall away. The car that needs work. The oven that needs replaced. The bills that need paid. That is just the static. Recall the things in your life that have true meaning. The people who love you. The people you are grateful for.
If you are reading this, I am grateful and thankful for you.
Lots of love and tryptophan,
Lana
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