Contract Renewal Time!

My husband’s and my 10 year anniversary is coming up. Which means it’s time to re-up the contract.

See we don’t view marriage as a lifetime contract. We view it as a license (which it is). It expires every 5 years. So every 5 years you have to make the choice to re-up the contract or walk away. We decided that before we even got married and have lived it. The best question I have gotten to our marriage contract idea has been ‘What if he decides he doesn’t want to re-up?’ Quite frankly, That…would….suckkkkkkkkkk…. but it is something I would have to deal with as I agreed to it and I do believe in it. So I would cry a lot and deal. This may sound silly but it actually puts our marriage securely on our shoulders. My husband has the option of walking away from me every 5 years. I don’t want that at all. I happen to be married to THE BEST* MAN IN THE WORLD and I am NOT going to let him go without a fight. So I consciously show him how much I love him every day. I make him know how much he means to me. I don’t allow myself to slip into an attitude of ingratitude. (I’m a mofo poet!) I spend those 4.5 years making him remember why he wanted to be with me in the first place. And he does the same for me. So that when it comes time for our renewal and review period the answer is resoundingly Yes! So far anyway.

On our 5 year anniversary we invited our family and friends to join us in a park where in the presence of the woman who married us, we reaffirmed the commitment we made to each other 5 years previously. We gave our daughter a ring this time and honored her. We got to share an important moment of our life with everyone we loved….except keith and Chris… who were punks. But I got them back. I napstered them and played one of keith’s songs at the ceremony without paying him a dime! HA! What was I saying… oh yeah. It was a beautiful day.

Our plans for our 10 year have been to head West to Vegas. Originally before he knocked me up we were planning on eloping to Vegas but opted out once the morning-afternoon-evening-night-sleeping sickness kicked in. So we agreed 10 years in Vegas. Married by Elvis with Marilyn as a bridesmaid. The two of us resplendent in as much gold lamme as I can gather and fringe. He wearing an enormous belt buckle of Ohio if I can manage it, with a matching bolero tie. His golden cowboy hat will be magnificent and say to the world “Seth Bullock sucks MY dick!” I will be doing my very most to imitate a plus size Dolly Parton. Tits for miles. Tits that defy gravity. Tits that mesmerize. I may even dye my hair bl…. No.. I couldn’t finish that sentence. Let’s give this one a try shall we? I may even buy a fabulous blonde wig! And once we have sworn our love to each other we will race from the chapel (race being a relative term what with my ankle and all) and jump (again relative) into a topless white Cadillac dating from no later than 1965 and peel out (relative) into the dessert night to a whorehouse (litteral). You know. Classy! ;) Ok Tacky but like Hooters, delightfully so. Mainly it just sounds like a hoot to us. Because that is all life is but memories. I like mine to make me laugh.

That is the plan. Though it is looking less and less likely we will be making the trip West this year.  Sad Lana. But hey, there is always 15 or 20. And if you know me then you know that when one door closes I either open a window or tear down a wall to build a new door. So I have been vacillating and have landed upon 2 things. 1 has been instituted as a new ritual during the reuping of vows. The second may or may not happen as I will explain. 1. I decided I needed another proposal. The original one I got I kind of bungled for him (another post for another day) and it wasn’t all that romantic. So I decided I wanted something romantic and I charged him with proposing in a thoughtful and romantic way. The only caveat was that I have nothing to do with the planning of this proposal and it had to be done by the end of April as I didn’t want to spend the month before our anniversary wondering when he would propose.

So approaches the end of April and I have begun hearing whispers when my husband leaves the room. I have heard my mother and he in quick but near silent conversation in the next room. My daughter has begun grinning at me in the way she does when she knows something I don’t. Yeah! So be ready for an update on that when it goes down.

The second idea that occurred to me was why not invite friends up here to share in our joy. We may not be able to head out to Vegas but we sure as hell can have the tackiest party I can come up with right here. But that all depends on a few things. One being my basement being finished and two whether I can get enough people interested in dressing up tacky as hell and driving out to BFE. My guess is that it probably won’t. Thought who knows. Our anniversary is also my husband’s birthday. So it is a 2fer.

Further events as they unfold.





*straight