Pictures of the Past

Was looking through some pictures recently and found a couple of gems.



This is Me at Castle Loma in Toronto. I love this pic. Mainly because I am finally in My element. I seem to be looking around saying... Yes... This will do.



And this is one of My all time favorites! this was taken at My husband's going away party when he tried to escape Ohio and Me. It didn't last long. A few months and then he was back and under lock and key before no time. But what is great about this pic is that it was taken well before I found out how kinky I really was. But notice that My husband has a collar and leash on. Because that is how I roll!

So I’m sitting at a restaurant having dinner with my family. You know the way when you are at a restaurant how sometimes you just glance around at the other restaurant patrons? Well I am doing that and am very shocked to see one of them looking right back at Me. In fact it would be safe to say he was staring at Me. I look away and try to ignore him but as he was in my direct line of sight it was rather difficult. After the 3rd time I looked up and saw him staring back I held his gaze as I do in those situations. I lock eyes and exude defiance. Predictably the man/boy (looks to be about 22) looks down in obvious embarrassment. Then it clicks. I’ve seen this boy before. He is one of the ones that has emailed Me, interested in becoming My sub. I rejected him outright as his level of play was not the same as Mine. But it looks like he recognized Me. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of Me the whole time. It was pretty distracting. But as meals go eventually his was over and he and his friends took off. Fast forward 3 minutes and I have an email from him.

“Was that you in Cici’s? If it was you are even more beautiful in person than in your pics.”

Awww…

Lana's Adventures In Half Priced Books

So I recently went onto another excursion into Half Priced Books. That place is bad for Me. It bleeds money from Me every time I go in, no matter how resolved I am to resist it’s charms. Like a really good hooker. So to combat this I simply pass by all the little nooks and crannies of books and head straight to the back wall where the “Clearance” sign hangs. And there I set up shop.

See I am not awfully picky about what I read. I know some people are rabidly loyal to certain authors… which by the way you all better be to Me when I finally get published! … and I am too. To a certain extent. If I like a writing style I will usually read everything that author has put out. In that way you see them grow and get to know them. Reading an author’s entire work is like a conversation. It’s lovely. Unless of course their style becomes repetitive and formulaic ::coughAnneRicecoughPhillipaGreggorycough:: then I have no issue with cutting them off and ending the conversation. There are plenty of other authors in the bookstore and I am a bit of a book whore. I get around.

Lots of whore analogies in this one folks.

Anywhoo… So there I am in HPB. I’ve fought My way valiantly past all the racks calling My name and have arrived at base camp in The Clearance Zone. Now what I like about TCZ is that the nonfiction is larger than the fiction section. I suppose that means fiction sells better. Blah. Nonfiction rules. There are so many varieties of books that fall under the non fiction category. Cookbooks, self help, space exploration, biographies, chronicles, reference, comics for some reason. The list never ends. It’s fabulous. So the nonfiction rack at HPB in TCZ is a general hodge podge of just about everything. I find some of My favorite books there.

This was a recent find from TCZ that I am actually kicking Myself that I didn’t buy.

When I saw this I burst out laughing. I know, how unPC of Me. But there it is. The Date Rape Prevention Book. I had to check it out to find out if it was a joke. Maybe it was one of those gag books that Spencer’s and Waterbeds sells. I laughed even harder when I saw that it was a real book. And a pretty big one. About 200 pages. Surely, I thought, there can’t be 200 pages worth of tips on how to avoid getting oneself date raped. Was it in list form? Or perhaps a checklist of What Not to do if you would rather not get date raped. Maybe they list all the qualities that end of leading to being date raped. In which case that could be useful information should I decide to engage in some non-con play. At the very least I expected some Martial Artsesque diagrams of how to put down your would be date rapist.

I was sorely disappointed.


As it turns out the book was just a self help guide about building yourself up so you don’t put yourself in a situation where you might end up possibly getting date raped. Read: Do not have sex with nor associate with the opposite sex until you are married at least 5 years and your priest gives the OK. I have to hand it to them. It’s pretty failsafe. That is a solid plan to avoid date rape. However that just seems like pretty weak sauce for such a strong title. Like it belongs in The Really Good Advice To Avoid Getting Date Raped.

Btw I wrote the Cliff’s Notes for this particular book which I am including below. I hope you enjoy!

Cliff’s Notes for The Date Rape Prevention Book.

Don’t drink.

Sunday Smut Catholic Edition Part 2

From the office of His Eminence Cardinal Archibald Masterson.

To Father Benedict.

Greetings father. I have read your letter with exceeding care and would like you to know that The Holy See is with you at this your hour of need. Know that even though temptation threatens your soul you are strong enough to recognize it for the evil it is. You sought our guidance and it is our guidance that you must follow if you wish to navigate this torturous path The Lord has seen fit to set you upon. With my help Father Benedict you shall not only help this girl cleanse her soul but still be able to watch the gates open before you.

The Holy See is not unfamiliar with the demon with which you are tempted. It is not simply evil which may be purged in a less intrusive way. What you are encountering is in fact a demon. An evil entity that possesses an innocent women through no fault of her own. It twists its way through her mind and floods it with vile images of depravity. It disables the natural modesty of the fairer sex until she believes she actually wants these barbaric acts committed upon her person. Unfortunately the demon seems to have focused on you. Undoubtedly because you are a holy man the woman trusts and rightly so it views you as a threat.

You said you have met with her 18 times I believe. Hopefully the demon was not too well rooted before she began coming to you. May I ask if the woman regularly attended church before she was possessed by this evil? If it has indeed only been 3 and a half months then you may still have a chance for this girl’s soul. For once the demon gains enough control over the mind The Holy See has learned that the woman is lost. She becomes the not only the hapless victim of her desires but an active participant in them. Can you imagine?

Fortunately you may be able to weed this demon out of her but I warn you Father, it will not be easy. To deliver this Child of Christ you must walk through Hell. You must become the evil which torments her so unmercifully. You must yield yourself to her desires. The demon within her has poisoned her mind to believe she will enjoy these things she fantasizes about. The reality is if they were inflicted upon her they would hurt her. That pain is the only chance you have to separate the demon from her mind. If she desires the whip you must take up the whip and beat the demon from her body. You must strike her, again and again until she rebukes the demon within. Then you must strike her again. If she desires blood you must show her the color of her own precious blood. If she desires fear you must frighten her. If she desires pain you must inflict it upon her. It is the only way to exorcise the demon from her brain and return both her and likewise you to a normal way of thinking.

Does this shock you? It should not. Though it may cause you to recoil do not flinch from doing the Lord’s work. For this is evil you are confronted with. Evil that contaminates. You will be absolved of any sin you may commit once you have banished the evil from this world. Only you will know if you are strong enough to help this poor girl. Can you put on the mask or her tormentor and still be able to take it off once you have saved her soul? I believe you are. You were strong enough to seek guidance. Now all you need do is follow the guidance you have received.

I enclose this letter with a package. Inside you will find an assortment of tools that you may need as you purge the evil from her soul. They have been blessed by His Eminence The Holy Father himself. Take good care of them for they have been doing God’s Holy work for over a century. These tools have tasted the blood of demons. Do not be afraid to use them. You will need to be heavy handed if you are to drive it from her body. She will scream. Do not be discouraged. She will bleed. Do not be dissuaded. Nor fool yourself into thinking that she will only need one session with these instruments to eradicate the demon within her. It may take several times. It may take longer.

I want you to know Father Benedict that I will be here for you all through this troubled time. Look to me for you spiritual guidance. I will pray for and with you so that your soul may escape the battle unscathed. I only ask that you tell me everything that happens. Leave nothing out when you write me. For even the smallest omission could mean the difference between conquering this force of darkness and falling victim to it yourself. If would like you to include pictures of the session as well. Perhaps by examining them I can learn more information about the demon you are facing.

I pray to Saint Peter to give you strength. I pray to St. Angelo for your safe delivery from this valley. And I pray to Holy God for your soul.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.

Cardinal Archibald Masterson

The Proposal!

This was written Wed Morning. Just haven't had a chance to post.


I love surprises! I mean honest to god, I had no idea, wow that was really cool surprises. The problem is that it is incredibly rare to pull one over on me. I think the last real surprise I got was I found out I was knocked up. And believe me I didn’t see that one coming. So when I say my husband completely surprised me last night I would have you know how rare an occurrence that is. But I get ahead of myself.

Yesterday I had an absolutely idyllic lovely day. My mother and I went to Columbus to see my grandmother and aunt who are about to depart to warmer climates for the next month or so. So we went down to celebrate Mother’s Day a wee bit early. It was a great deal of fun as my grandma and Aunt are 2 of the hippest people I have met. Anyway we hang out. We eat. We drink and then we head home. Mom drops me off at home just as my daughter gets off the bus. What’s more, my daughter is in a good mood. We got to laugh and play before she got ready for her first soccer game of the season. It was also team picture day so she took a shower and I got to blow dry her hair and brush it which is one of my all time favorite things to do. As she gets older she doesn’t want Mommy to do those kind of things as often so I treasure it when I can get it. Anyway after copious hair brushing was done we headed to the field. We had to arrive a half hour before the game for the pictures so while she was getting her pics Jason and I continued our commitment to each other to walk every day. So we walked our mile and a half and ended up back at the field just as the teams were lining up (We didn’t leave her on her own at the field btw. Her grandma was there. I can just hear her Uncles grabbing their chests… lol) Lily found hard, not letting a goal in while she played goalie for the first half. And as a forward the second half she assisted our 2 goals. The game closed tied and it was a pretty darn good match too.

So this is where things get interesting. My mom asks me if she can take Lily out for ice cream since it was her first game of the season and she did so well. Now Lily had a big snack after school but she had yet to have dinner, plus she had homework to do, plus a post match shower to take, plus Wed is aptitude testing (::cringe::) at school so she signed an agreement with her principal to go to bed early. Her bedtime is 9. The game finished at 7:30. So, the mean mother I am, I said no. She had to come home and though I didn’t tell her this I was planning on giving her some ice cream while she did her homework. Mom counters with that she will get Lily dinner and ice cream then bring her home. I begin to protest and Jason says quietly from behind me “I don’t see the problem”. So not really thinking about it I said Ok and off Mom and Lily went.

Jason and I head back towards the house talking about what we want for dinner since it was now just 2 of us. He tries to get us to go out to eat. Which had I thought about it was more than a little odd in itself. He never pushes to go out. If he wants to go out he asks. If I say No then he doesn’t bring it up again. But he pushed and I said no. We had perfectly good food at home. So we decide on some Kahiki chicken that was in the freezer. We get home and I head upstairs and Jason offered to get it ready. So I go upstairs and stretch out on the bed thinking about what a really good day it’s been. Ready to eat some yummy. Jason comes bounding up the stairs and tells me that the chicken cooks at one temperature and the egg rolls at another but for the same amount of time. This dilemma is bit beyond his cooking expertise and he needed me to look at it and figure it out. So he helps me up from the bed and slick as a snake oil salesmen he slips a folded white paper in my hand. I open it up and it reads:

“To my sweet love,

Here we are, 10 years! Spending time with you had been a blast (as they say). My love for you has grown in these years more than I have ever felt before. You make my heart sing when you get excited, crushed when you are sad and float when you are dreamy! We have had our up’s and down’s but since we found our rolls (You Dom, me Your property), face it baby we work well together. And always will. My idea of a wonderful, sexy, funny, voluptuous wife is you! Cheers to our first ten. You’re the only one I want with me for the rest of my life.

Your loving husband,
Jason

Ps. Tonight is for us. Your mom is taking Lily tonight and I get to rub, caress and explore your body to my hearts content. I love you and enjoy tonight, it’s ours!”

And then he held me so tightly and kissed me long and deep.

He absolutely got me. I was expecting the re-uping of the contract this weekend. In fact I was 100% sure it was going down this weekend. Which is why he said he did it on Tuesday. The conditions I placed on what I wanted from the proposal were it needed to be romantic and unexpected. Were he to do it Friday or Sat then it would not have been unexpected.

I couldn’t stop smiling! I mean it! My cheeks hurt! We ended up going out to dinner after all. While we were eating I gently pointed out that the letter, though incredibly romantic, didn’t actually ask me to marry him again. To my shock he smiled and said “I know.” Then he winked and didn’t say anything else. Renew smiling fit. So we have a lovely meal and head home where instead of putting in the Chinese flick we had rented he pops in The Beatles Anthology that had arrived from Netflix and I was anxiously awaiting watching. Then he goes into the other room for a while and without a word to me reappears with all of my pedicure stuffs. He makes me a nest of pillows and blankets to relax into while he soaks and scrubs my feet while I watch and listen to my all time favorite band. Heaven.

Once the pedicure was done he was getting up from the ground and held his hand out for me to help him up. Instead of getting up he turned to me on the one knee, held my hand, looked me deeply in the eyes and asked “Will you marry me again, Lana?” It took me completely by surprise and for a second I was speechless. But then I said “Yes” and we made out for a while. Before it got too passionate he pushed me down on the bed and began rubbing lotion on my feet. Then he kept rubbing. He ended up giving me a full body massage that took about 2 hours. YUM! After the anthology was over quick as a flash he had music playing. He begins tickling and kissing me.

Now at this point I just close my eyes and give myself over to the sensation. And before I know it I feel our cuffs being strapped onto my wrists! Squeal!!!!! He has me lying on my stomach with my hands secured straight above my head and he proceeds to kiss and lick every inch of my body! He kept it so light which he knows drives me absolutely wild. Once he had turned me into a quivering mass and my pussy was wet enough to soak to sheets he flipped me over, rechained me, and proceeded to do the same to my front. To say it was hot is to understate how very hot it actually was. Once he had finished the circuit and I was damn near begging to fuck he shoved his cock down my throat which is one of my favorite things to do. Though Jason will rarely face fuck me when I am tied up as he is constantly afraid of hurting me. Rightly so, he’s a big boy. But not last night. He shoved his cock deep in my throat, held me by my hair and fucked my mouth until I could taste his precum. Then smart boy that he is he stopped. Pulled his cock out and immediately began kissing my tits again while I moaned. Then he went down on me and ate me out until I had one of the longest and strongest orgasms I have ever had. I soaked his face. And while I was still realising from the mind blowing orgasm he slid inside of me. That is when all conscious thought left me. I completely gave myself over to the more primal part of myself. We fucked. We fucked hard. He twisted and bent me in ways that have me sore today. He fucked me like a jackhammer. Oh. My. God. It. Was. FANTASTIC! He made me cum over and over and over and over again. And then some more for good measure. Once the hour mark of actual sex had come and gone I, gasping, asked if he was ready to cum. He kissed me and whispered in my ear “You have to ‘red’out tonight.” Meaning he was going to fuck me until I begged for mercy! How fucking hot is that?!!!!

So long story short (too late) we fucked for 2 hours. I came a gazillion times and when I finally couldn’t take anymore and I told him he needed to cum he came for Me on command. It was AMAZING! I may have suffered brain damage it was that good.

And what was more, as soon as we were done he cuddled up to me and began rubbing my forehead, gently petting me until I fell asleep. I absolutely adore being petted and it is my all time favorite way to fall asleep.

SO HAPPY!

And as I write this my wonderful husband is heading off downstairs to make me breakfast in bed of Eggs Benedict.

Bliss.

I’ve been adding older movies to my Netflix queue. Some of which I have never seen and others I smoked away. This gives me a chance to refresh my memory in some cases and see what all the fuss is about with others. Now I can’t do this too often because the husband freaks out if too many movies are sans color so I just sprinkle them in here and there.

This weekend I got The Shining and A Streetcar Named Desire.

The Shining

Although I heart Jack, I have never actually seen this movie before. So onto the list it went. I will be honest with you, I didn’t expect to like it. I’ve seen so many clips of that movie, not to mention parodies, that I was pretty sure this would be an Exorcisit which when I saw it let me down thoroughly. I am pleased to say that was not the case here. I really enjoyed the movie. Jack was simply fantastic. I bought his brand of crazy. Something about his eyes that get right under my skin. The little boy was plenty of creepy all on his own. I’d love to see him in later years. Will Tony stick around and if so, he’s got some akward times in store. I did not care for Shelly Duvuall however. I mean talk about a waste of space. She looked like a Muppet running down the halls. I’m not kidding! If you can play Shelly Duvuall running down the hall from any random scene from The Shining against Animal running down any hall in any Muppets movie you will see. Same run. And if anyone has ever held a weapon and looked less ineffectual than Shelly with the knife or hell even the bat, I have not seen it. Thankfully Jack ate scenes around her and in the end I was with him. All crazieness aside that gal needed to go, if you know what I mean. And as an aspiring author I can absolutely empathise with Jack. I’ve felt quite similarly when I’m trying to write and they just keep inturupting and inturupting and INTURUPTING ME!!!!!! Good flick. If you haven’t seen it, do. If you haven’t seen it in a while, reacquaint yourself.

A Streetcar Named Desire

Sometimes you just need some Tennessee Williams in your life. I have seen this before however it has been a number of years. Although I won’t blame the smoky treats for the haziness of my recollection, at least in this instance. This one my Aunt Hazel showed me when I was a bit too young to understand what in the hell was going on the screen. My Aunt Hazel by the way was 50% Auntie Mame and 50% Blanche DuBoius. I never really knew how much of my aunt was defined by A Streetcar Named Desire until I watched it last night. Just about every phrase I remember her saying was a direct quote. That was interesting to learn.

Aside from the familial revelation it was a bang up play. Vivian Leigh was great. Although so much Scarlet peeked through that in the end I decided that A Streetcar Named Desire was really Gone With The Wind 2. Scarlet: The Later Years. My heart hurt for Scarlet..I mean Blanche. Everyone making things hard for her and HASN”T SHE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH??!!! I mean besides bringing a whole herd of people through a war and life after the war. Once she lost her only real love, once Rhett left…I mean her young husband…once he was gone she didn’t know what to do or where to go. She drank away everything that Rhett…her young husband… had left her. And not too long after that Mammy died. That was when Scarlet…Blanche lost all sense of direction. She fell back on the only thing she had ever known to deliver her from bad situations in the past. Her looks. And she found they were still sufficient enough to put food on her table and provide a place for her to sleep. Thankfully she kept some of Rhett’s presents and added to them from her various admirers. It was tiring work keeping up the constant Moonlight and Magnolias but Scarlet… Blance was used to hard work. She never complained. Not even when she was run out of town for being a whore. No she didn’t complain. She set her chin and went to see her sister … I mean Stella. And well.. we know what happened there. Scarlett.. Blanche was simply taking a well deserved break from reality after the struggle that had been her life. I’d say she earned it. Or was that not the same story you saw?

I also have a new appreciation for Marlon Brando. And not just his svelt adonnis-like physique, which is worth seeing the movie for all on it’s own. I mean it. He’s hot. Even my husband (straight arrow that he is) sat up and said ‘Damn”. No, he’s more than hot. He can act! Yes he can. And the way he acted made me sit up and say “Yes!” I know you are supposed to not like the guy but when he was throwing his wife around and the way he would break Blanche off about herself…. Mmmm… Yes Sir! Sick puppy that I am, it turned my crank.

Contract Renewal Time!

My husband’s and my 10 year anniversary is coming up. Which means it’s time to re-up the contract.

See we don’t view marriage as a lifetime contract. We view it as a license (which it is). It expires every 5 years. So every 5 years you have to make the choice to re-up the contract or walk away. We decided that before we even got married and have lived it. The best question I have gotten to our marriage contract idea has been ‘What if he decides he doesn’t want to re-up?’ Quite frankly, That…would….suckkkkkkkkkk…. but it is something I would have to deal with as I agreed to it and I do believe in it. So I would cry a lot and deal. This may sound silly but it actually puts our marriage securely on our shoulders. My husband has the option of walking away from me every 5 years. I don’t want that at all. I happen to be married to THE BEST* MAN IN THE WORLD and I am NOT going to let him go without a fight. So I consciously show him how much I love him every day. I make him know how much he means to me. I don’t allow myself to slip into an attitude of ingratitude. (I’m a mofo poet!) I spend those 4.5 years making him remember why he wanted to be with me in the first place. And he does the same for me. So that when it comes time for our renewal and review period the answer is resoundingly Yes! So far anyway.

On our 5 year anniversary we invited our family and friends to join us in a park where in the presence of the woman who married us, we reaffirmed the commitment we made to each other 5 years previously. We gave our daughter a ring this time and honored her. We got to share an important moment of our life with everyone we loved….except keith and Chris… who were punks. But I got them back. I napstered them and played one of keith’s songs at the ceremony without paying him a dime! HA! What was I saying… oh yeah. It was a beautiful day.

Our plans for our 10 year have been to head West to Vegas. Originally before he knocked me up we were planning on eloping to Vegas but opted out once the morning-afternoon-evening-night-sleeping sickness kicked in. So we agreed 10 years in Vegas. Married by Elvis with Marilyn as a bridesmaid. The two of us resplendent in as much gold lamme as I can gather and fringe. He wearing an enormous belt buckle of Ohio if I can manage it, with a matching bolero tie. His golden cowboy hat will be magnificent and say to the world “Seth Bullock sucks MY dick!” I will be doing my very most to imitate a plus size Dolly Parton. Tits for miles. Tits that defy gravity. Tits that mesmerize. I may even dye my hair bl…. No.. I couldn’t finish that sentence. Let’s give this one a try shall we? I may even buy a fabulous blonde wig! And once we have sworn our love to each other we will race from the chapel (race being a relative term what with my ankle and all) and jump (again relative) into a topless white Cadillac dating from no later than 1965 and peel out (relative) into the dessert night to a whorehouse (litteral). You know. Classy! ;) Ok Tacky but like Hooters, delightfully so. Mainly it just sounds like a hoot to us. Because that is all life is but memories. I like mine to make me laugh.

That is the plan. Though it is looking less and less likely we will be making the trip West this year.  Sad Lana. But hey, there is always 15 or 20. And if you know me then you know that when one door closes I either open a window or tear down a wall to build a new door. So I have been vacillating and have landed upon 2 things. 1 has been instituted as a new ritual during the reuping of vows. The second may or may not happen as I will explain. 1. I decided I needed another proposal. The original one I got I kind of bungled for him (another post for another day) and it wasn’t all that romantic. So I decided I wanted something romantic and I charged him with proposing in a thoughtful and romantic way. The only caveat was that I have nothing to do with the planning of this proposal and it had to be done by the end of April as I didn’t want to spend the month before our anniversary wondering when he would propose.

So approaches the end of April and I have begun hearing whispers when my husband leaves the room. I have heard my mother and he in quick but near silent conversation in the next room. My daughter has begun grinning at me in the way she does when she knows something I don’t. Yeah! So be ready for an update on that when it goes down.

The second idea that occurred to me was why not invite friends up here to share in our joy. We may not be able to head out to Vegas but we sure as hell can have the tackiest party I can come up with right here. But that all depends on a few things. One being my basement being finished and two whether I can get enough people interested in dressing up tacky as hell and driving out to BFE. My guess is that it probably won’t. Thought who knows. Our anniversary is also my husband’s birthday. So it is a 2fer.

Further events as they unfold.





*straight

Sunday Smut Catholic edition

So this edition of Sunday Smut has some rather religious core. So those who think they might be offended then by all means utilize the red x at the top right of your screen. All others, ejoy.




To Cardinal Archibald Masterson.

Your Eminence,

My name is Father Benedict. I am the priest of Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow in the 2nd district of my diocese. It is after much prayer and with a heavy heart that I write this letter. I fear I may no longer be able to fulfill my responsibilities to my congregation. I find myself compromised by one of my congregants.

Her name is Mary.

Mary comes to my rectory every Monday at 2 pm for counseling. And every Monday at 1:30 I pray to the Lord to give me strength. Mary is unlike any of my other congregants. I believe evil exists within her. The evil that has threatened mankind since Eden. Temptation. It is my duty to help her purge this evil from her soul yet I fear I am may not triumph for the Lord. Each Monday I feel some inner wall within me crumble a little more. Her words eroding my safeguards. 17 times she has come now. 17 Mondays I have sat and listened to her tell me about the deviant thoughts that torment her. 17 times I have endured her graphic confession of the desires that plague her dreams. By confessing she cleanses her soul. By confessing she makes herself stronger. By confessing she does not give in to her perverted needs. But by confessing she taints me. I feel it within my soul. These disgusting words have nestled in my brain. I hear her when she isn’t there. God help me that the images her words conjure do not disgust me. These wicked acts she describes do not repulse me as they should. I do not feel condemnation as I should. How then am I to lead her upon the path of righteousness?

Last Monday she came to me and I nearly yielded. She was seated across my desk as ever. She began her confession in the usual way I did not hear a word she said. I could do nothing but stare at the hem of her skirt. It was pressed tightly against her leg, just above the knee. I hardly could breathe looking at the spot where the black of her tight skirt met the creamy paleness of her thigh. I began salivating and was seized by a strong impulse to run my hand across that spot. The impulse was so real I could feel myself leaning forward when reason returned to me and I was able to wrench my mind away from that sordid fantasy.

I focused instead upon her words but they brought me no comfort. No distance from the vision I had just had. Her demon had brought forth in her a whole new torment for me. She told me about a new desire that had awoken within her. I know I am sinning as we speak my confessing this to you but I feel it is too much for my weak soul. I ask you Cardinal for help on how to guide this poor child of God.

She finds herself tormented by desire to have horrible things done to her. Things no decent woman would want. She tells me about these, things, and god help me she uses me as the example of her abuser. She always begins with “In my dream there was this man. Do you mind if I refer to him as you. I don’t mean it’s you in my dreams, but it will just be less confusing for me. Do you mind?” and then she cocks her head to the side and waits for my reply while her hair spills over her shoulder. The look is so innocent and non assuming that every time my voice catches in my throat and I feel a stir in my pants. I choke out “of course my child. If it is easier for you.” And then she launches into a tirade which though I know she is not speaking of me, I find that I can not separate myself from her fantasy. I see it from the perspective of the man she describes. I see myself doing these horrible things to her and god help me, I like it. I like thinking it is me tying her down. It is me telling her how wanton she is. Me beating her. I look at her creamy skin and I listen to her words and I can feel the smoothness of her rear as she bends over my lap. I can feel the sharp slap of her flesh as I bring my hand down. I can hear the crack of skin on skin. I bring my hand down again and again making her skin burn red. I feel the heat of the enflamed skin beneath my fingers. I pinch her rear and she squirms beneath me and the movement sends blood rushing to my pants. I pinch her again and she lets out a little squeal. I move my fingers between her legs and my fingers come away wet. She tells me sheis a salacious woman and needs to be punished for it.

I push her from my lap and she falls to the floor. She cries out but I do not bend down to help her up. Instead I order her to shut up and stand. She does so immediately. I ask her if she enjoyed herself. She looks at the floor and says No. Immediately I smack her across the face. The sting of my palm striking her cheek is so satisfying I feel it reverberating up my arm. She cries out. I grab her by the neck and turn her around, thrusting her at the wall. She hits it hard and begins crying. Her tears do not move me and truth be told they excite me all the more. I grab her again by her neck and press her against the wall, my legs forcing hers apart. I grab a vestment from my desk and tie it quickly around her wrists. I then loop the vestment over an iron cross affixed securely on the wall. She is held in place and can not move. She whimpers and whines and every sound brings forth new levels of excitement within me.

Oh God in Heaven! What is wrong with me? Cardinal I beg your forgiveness! I should smite the words I have written. Tear them and burn them but I think rather I will leave them as they are. Now you see how the evil that taints her has tainted my soul as well! I am lost! Please, your grace, please, I beg of you, instruct your lowly son. Show me the path for I am truly lost! Show me the way back to the Lord! Help me before it is too late!

Yours in the service of the Lord,
Father Benedict

Poly BBW Mistress seeking...

It is a drag having to find a new sub. I think I forgot how many I had to sift through to find Mine. I remembered it took a while though. So in preparation for My sub’s departure I have begun seeing what is out there.

So far it’s been pretty ugly. And I don’t mean physically. Recently there was the sub who whined and begged and didn’t listen. Good bye. Then the ghost of subs past reared its ugly head in the form of the submissive I was training before the one I have now. We will call him…Curtis. Because that is his name and he hates it. Anyway I had to let Curtis go because he turned out not to be genuine. Sure his desire to submit was most assuredly real but the rest was obscured in a big old cloud of bullshit. He never completed tasks or journals on time. EVER. And we all know how that gets under My skin. But what is worse is that he lied. A lot. Over and over again. Either that or he had the worst luck of anyone I have met. W/we officially ended because he was arrested. he got drunk at a bar, got into a fight and spent the weekend in jail. Not a big deal. But he refused to tell Me why he up and disappeared. Instead I was told it was none of My business. And that was when it ended but it was not the only reason. Did I mention the lies? And in general he was not at all ready for a real time D/s relationship. he was stuck in the fantasy place.

Since I released him from consideration he has come crawling back every few months to tell Me how he has changed. How he is a different person. He is ready for change. And most recently how badly he needs Me. Blah blah blah. Because all it is is a new brand of bullshit. You can repackage it as much as you want but in the end it’s still a jar full of bullshit. I didn’t buy it the 1st time. Why on earth would I buy it the 7th? And yet he keeps coming back. How very annoying. And I find it is brining out the bitch side of My personality.

See back in the day (before I became the personification of sweetness and light that I am today) I was a bitch of the first order. I routinely fucked with peoples heads for sport. Why? It amused me. I reduced a few teachers to tears for the same reason. If I wanted something I found a way to get it. As evidenced by the 3 bags of shirts in my basement I literally talked off the back of men on the street. It was great fun. My mother always cautioned me to use my powers for good not evil. I’ve only ever wanted to be the evil overlord. And in my youth I honed the skills required of an Evil Overlord. I manipulated and mind fucked as much as I could. Oh not my friends of course. Anyone else was fair game though. Eventually during the course of growing up I realized that I wasn’t going to get to be an Evil Overlord at least in the short term and I stopped using my powers for evil. I got married. I had a kid.

But the parade of bad subs is starting to bring those dormant bitch qualities to the surface. I feel like every time one of them does something so utterly against My will the bitch rears her head. At first I tried to suppress it and always strive to be reasonable. I would rather be a loved Mistress than a feared one. But I think perhaps because I have not shown this side of Myself to the world and potential subs there may be those out there who believe I don’t possess it. I assure you that isn’t the case.

Perhaps I should thank these bad subs for provoking the bitch. I intend to bring that side of Myself into greater balance with the rest of My personality. I don’t think I will be suffering any fools anytime soon.

Sub update...

So My sub leaves to go serve Master Sam overseas in a disturbingly short time 2.5 months. He will be gone 1-2 years. That is understandably disturbing for many reasons. One of the most trivial of the reasons is that it will leave Me without My boy. Though W/we have been together for over a half a year I know that it will soon be suspended and he will be gone doing whatever it is that he has to do in service to the All Powerful Master Sam.

I have been asked a fair few times what that means for U/us. It sucks but it is what it is. I will continue to retain him as My submissive. Of course it will be in name and not in deed. I will send him off with some instructions, My well wishes and a collar in the form of a religious symbol. I will have his real collar waiting when he returns home. I plan to write him while he is gone. But that is really then end of it. he won’t be calling Me from overseas. That time needs to go to his wife and kids. Nor do I think he is the type to sit down with pen and paper. So that is pretty much it. How sad. Just when W/we are starting to build some momentum.

Though he is defiantly getting the worse end of the deal I am still going to be shortly out a sub. As I have explained to My sub that he will retain the alpha position (I won’t give his job away while he is serving overseas) I will be seeking another submissive when he is gone. he is disappointed but understands. If he was going to be gone a matter of months to a year I’m not sure I would but in all likelihood he will be there 2 years straight. I am not sure I could keep My dominance in check that long. I’d end up trying to Top all my friends and… wait… I do that, don’t I? ;) Plus with 2 more years under My belt in full time Doming can only help O/our relationship when he returns.

So that’s the skinny on the situation and the reason I check the “It’s Complicated” box on Fetlife.

Congratulations!

Happy Anniversary to a couple who almost never makes me ill! Happy Anniversary Chris and keith!

A word on...deadlines.

I love deadlines. I enjoy assigning a task or a journal and setting a date for completion. Then I can sit back and wait until the appointed date comes. It’s almost like receiving a little present that is exactly what I wanted.

When I first start the consideration period of a submissive I tell them right up front that I expect several things of them. One being that when they are assigned a task or a journal with a deadline, they meet the deadline. I am not completely unreasonable and understand that occasionally life throws something in our paths that might make meeting a deadline a bit harder. And if the situation is explained to Me and it feels genuine then I will usually grant an extension. But I don’t expect My kindness in this manner to be abused. Any sub that I am going to consider has to agree to My more than reasonable terms in regard to this.

And yet I keep getting smacked in the face on this. My sub has a bad habit of not turning in work when it is due. And it is really starting to piss Me off. What is more it is starting to disappoint Me which for My money is worse than pissing Me off.

Yesterday he had a journal and an assignment due. I reminded him of it in the morning as he does have the history of being late. he assured Me that I would have it by then end of the day. I don’t like harping or nagging about assignments and journals. It annoys Me to have to nag and it really takes the fun and anticipation out of reading it. So I let it be. The day comes. The day goes. I touch base with him but no mention of his assignment or journal. No big deal, there are still plenty of hours left of Wed and he has assured Me that I will have it. So I watch My movie and had a good evening. The movie finished up at about 11:40. I tell him how it was and then ask about the still elusive tasks. He tells Me he is almost done. I give him till 12:30 when I am going to bed. 12:30 comes. 12:30 goes. I went to sleep disappointed in him for once again breaking his word to Me.

Now I don’t want you to think this is an every day thing. I don’t assign journals all that often. But it doesn’t really matter the frequency. It matters that it continues to be consistent. I have given him excuses before. I will not from now on.

Though the fault is his, the root of it has to be Me. In the fact that I have allowed him such great latitude in his deadlines. I have not been hard enough on him. Yes he did get spanked but it was more an admonition and not a punishment with a capital P. Next time I think he will get beat. Or have to hold a penny on the wall for an hour with his nose. Or cuff his hands to his dick and make him clean. SOMETHING that will drive home the point that late journals or assignments are not acceptable. I am not a huge one for correction through punishment. I prefer to instruct and correct. But sometimes Punishment is required and perhaps I have been too slow to action. That won’t be the case anymore.

I have the best friends...

So I ventured south today to the great city of Cbus. There I hooked up with a dear friend who continued to "show me the ropes" as it were. My friend Barak has taken the time to break rope and rigging down into an easily digestable way that does not overload my senses or brain. Previously he showed me the 3 knots I need in order to play with rope easily and effectively. This time he showed me a few ways to use these LOVELY knots. Mainly using them to create fantastic harnesses.

I had a blast and I got to tie up an uber Domly Dom of a man. I poked the bear and I didn't get mauled. Ok maybe a little bit on my tit but you don't hear me complaining. It was great fun.

So many thanks to you Sir Barak. Can't think of a better way to spend an afternoon... unless.... ;) And sorry for dropping you on your ass the once!

Here are a couple of pics. This was in the middle of rigging so it is by no means complete so no judgements! As Barak said, the pretty will come. If you happen to be in Columbus this Sunday check Barak and Sheba out at C.O.R.G. They will be presenting a class based pretty much around the exact kind of rigging we have been working on.


Sir Barak looking hot and being secure in his manhood.



Pretty titties and rope.

Fire!!!

I heart fire. I do. There is something about having a huge flaming wand in My hand and a willing body beneath Me that turns my crank. Yum! That almost trivializes the attraction though. I’ve always loved fire. I would watch a fireplace like kids watch nickelodeon. Fire is beautiful. Fire is primal. Fire spells fear, need, and desire. Fire is life and destruction in the most basic of levels. Fire is beautiful.

Before I get any further I will say that you need have no fear of inviting me to your homes. I am not a firebug. Because no matter how infinitely beautiful I see fire as I have far more fear and awe of it to ever consider abusing it. Sure My heart tingles when a little too much lighter fluid is used on the grill, but I’m also quick to admonish the grill master as being unsafe.

Sometimes I find it odd that Fire play is my absolute favorite form of play. The logical half of the Libra half of my mind tells me that it is FIRE for fucks sake! That is a person! Or it’s MY FLESH! Fire + Flesh = BAD right?!!??! However when I feel the flames in my hand, on my skin, on another’s flesh it feels so right. Fire + Flesh = Mmm Mmm Good! It’s amazing how quickly the Good outweighs the fear of the bad.

I am lucky enough to have a few regular Fire play partners. And for my money there is just nothing that compares to the delightful sounds I can coax from them under the flame. Women purr. Men moan.

I know I’ve said it before and I am sure I will say it again but I really and truly do heart Fire.

Rest In Peace

R.I.P. Dixie Carter. You were fabulous. You will be missed!

Sub Update

So I think the universe may be conspiring to keep me from my girls’ night of pedicures and servitude. OK so maybe that was a little egotistical (it’s not my fault, megalomania runs in my family) but at least a small portion of the galaxy. Because for the second week in a row the weekend has passed and still no god damned pedicures!

But I get ahead of myself. Thursday My sub came up for the day. After a fair amount of what I like to term “get lost time” we FINALLY made it back to my little hamlet. It was kind of fun in a “We haven’t seen each other in a while so let’s catch up” way but less so in that I had to drive for an extra solid hour until I found a road I recognized. He may have passed his Land Navigation course of training but in that he has a map. In my car we didn’t. And there were Amish everywhere. ::shudder:: By the time W/we got back to civilization (I use that term loosely) it was much later than I preferred. But cest la vie, right? My sub bought me a lovely lunch and then finally we arrived at My home.

Now the first thing he is required to do upon entering my home is to fall to his knees in front of me and take my shoes/boots off reverently. Then it was up to my room (downstairs was a bit chilly and cold is his arch nemesis) where he stripped. This is also part of O/our ritual. I don’t allow him his collar when he is not with Me so when he is he must ask for My collar back on his knees. And strip he did (without the slightest trace of fear I am proud to say) then falling upon his knees he asked Me for My collar. I made him beg for it. There are some people I can not stomach begging from. It gets under my skin and makes me itch. But others I do enjoy it. My sub belongs in the second category. I do so love listening to him beg. Partly because he is not the type to beg. I think that is my problem with the first category. It’s so easy to tell that they are the type that will beg for absolutely anything. To be able to do something. To not be able to do something. For something. For something else. Anything their mind wants at the moment they are more than willing to beg for. So when they are begging for My Dominance it comes off as insincere. However those of the second category, My sub amongst them, do not beg for anything. They would rather go without then have to beg for what they want or need. When My sub begs Me for something it carries more weight with Me for that reason. Tangent completed.

After I got him collared I inspected his body. He’s been away training for a month and let me tell you loyal readers, training agrees with him. he and I fall very far apart on the armed forces/war spectrum but I will say that the results of military training do make a lovely middle ground. Anyway after that I had him dress again, leashed him and walked him downstairs where I put him to work in my basement. No that is not a euphemism. he has been working to convert My basement into a functional space. It’s half finished after all with a bathroom that may look like a set from a Saw flick now but could be a nice full bath. It seems G. W. Bush level retarded to Me to have it just full of junk that I don’t use and don’t need. I could have that as a playspace. I want that as a playspace. So Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It’s off to work he goes.

In previous rounds with My basement he pretty much managed to get all of the outright trash out. The years of accumulated boxes My husband has stashed down there while he “waits for trash day”. All the stuff damaged by years in a basement without a humidifier. All the crap. So now I was forced to accompany him into the basement while he worked. Together W/we got my laundry room beat into shape. The deep shelving units that are built in and occupy an entire wall of my laundry room were completely cleaned out. 6 huge trashbags full of donations for Good Will and 5 trashbags of crap later W/we were able to shift the boxes of things I wanted to keep from the main space of the basement onto the shelving unit. The result, My play space is slowly starting to clear out. I’m freaking thrilled.

Anywho, once I deemed us finished in the basement (after looking at My phone and realizing how late it was) I leashed him again and walked him back upstairs where I had him strip to his boxers and give Me a nice long backrub. It was hard work telling him what to do after all! After that I gave him training on how to soak feet and perform a pedicure. Step by step and he did very well. Once his work and training for the day were complete he had earned his reward. The next 2 hours W/we played. He moaned through the Fire Play. He moaned through the flogging. He did a lot of moaning. I gave him a little bit of light (VERY LIGHT) CBT which he enjoyed. The only time he was not moaning was when he was receiving his spanking. The punishment for his tardiness with journals.

That’s another thing I like about him. he isn’t a punishment whore. To him punishment is just that. Punishment. Before I accepted him, it seemed that most of the sub applicants I had purposefully did things they were told not to do just so they could receive a punishment. I know that is a fetish of a lot of people and that is completely fine. When needed seldomly I can fetishize punishment. But if it is a perpetual thing that makes Me feel like I have done something wrong for My sub to need that much correction. It was a lovely breath of fresh air to find someone interested in doing all he could to avoid punishment. My best friend is a slave and not only does he try to do all he can to avoid punishment (read: follows his Masters instructions and does not do what he knows he should not) but he also does all he can to make his Master happy. Not because he is afraid his Master will punish him if he does not. But because he loves his Master and seeks with all his being to… I’m finding it hard to find the word but I hope he will forgive me for using the crude term… complete his Master. I think that is utterly beautiful. Fuck. I’ve gone and slipped into another tangent. The…point…was… OH YES! My boy doesn’t like punishment but endured his 23 spanks (one for each day he was late) humbly, repeating to me that he would not be late again and apologizing.

All in all a lovely day. Only complaint was that it was too short and I did not get to do about half the things I wanted. But at least, I thought, I will be able to see him tomorrow and check off a few more items.

No such luck. It may be the megalomania but it might also be that the military reads My blog. I feel a bit like Dr. Horrible after he was thwarted at the Super Hero Memorial Bridge. I did blog about springing My boy from the base. So, of course, his unit was put on lockdown. Of course. After he contemplated briefly his options W/we resigned ourselves to a No-go order for the evening. Disappointment was expressed and My evening didn’t round out the way I would have liked. Sigh.

But I still got to go out with friends and catch up which was a great time. Many thanks to Samantha for the MARVELOUS blue lipped baboon joke! My husband has already been subjected to it and agrees, it’s a classic! I had a really lovely time.

Holy Crap that was long! To finish up I will quote from Commentary: The Musical.
“Hope you had fun,
Cause now we’re done.
You’ve listened to every word.
Seeing it through makes each of you,
A huge fucking nerd.”

I love you nerds! ::kisses::

Subby plans

So this Friday I will be kidnapping a soldier and holding him a hostage of my nefarious plans. Wait… that kind of statement is what gets the Homeland Security down your ass right? Just kidding Patriot Act!!! What I meant to say was since My sub was not able to make it to Freedom Friday and then has training the following weekend, my time with him would be obviously limited. Which of course I do not like. I want what I want when I want it after all. So My boy, ever the clever one, found a solution. This Thursday he will be coming up to spend all day and most of the evening with Me. Then on Friday I will be (with permission from his other Master Uncle Sam) picking him up so that we can spend some time with each other, go to the Perversion Diversion and then head over to Sarah’s where he will be giving Sarah, Me and her sisters the pedicures we were denied on Freedom Friday.

Good boy.

Freedom Friday

This past Friday was Freedom Friday What is Freedom Friday I hear you asking. Good question. See my lady love Sarah has finally cast aside the dead weight she’s been carrying around for the past 8 years (read: her husband) and we, her family and friends gathered around her to celebrate her emancipation from the sanctity of marriage. The celebration took the form of drinking copiously at her local bar (and by local it’s 1 block away…lucky bitch!) and proceeding to party like it was…well not 1999 but certainly 2 years till the end of the world (if the Mayans are right)! Plus it was Friday and I am a sucker for alliteration.

I had a spot of bad news earlier in the day in that the service sub I had arranged to come do pedicures for us was detained at work and would not be able to make it. This only slightly upset us as we soon decided that My sub would just have to come down the following Friday and do it properly. So no harm no foul. And we certainly were not going to let that spoil our evening which started off on the right note when the bar tender bought Sarah her first drink when he heard it was Freedom Friday!

We headed to the patio where we entrenched ourselves and set up camp emerging only for the occasional margarita, beer, bomb pop or pineapple upside down cake shot. Oh and the other Sara at the gathering was pimpin hard with her G&T. We laughed. We sang (loudly). We made friends with our fellow bar patrons. And in general we gave her a good welcome to the neighborhood as well as a good Freedom Friday.

So many thanks to the lovely vanilla ladies who ventured out from Sarah’s work to celebrate. Many thanks to the equally lovely ladies at the table next to us who not only bought Sarah a shot but who also were damn fine conversationalists. To Wes for buying me drinks all night. (He was adorable. I had to card him to make sure he was legally allowed to be in the bar. Imagine my shock when he tells me he actually manages another bar around the corner. Plus he kind of looked like Wesley Crusher.) and above all thanks to my lady love Sarah for giving us a damn good excuse to convene a session of The Pampered Lushes.

Mmmm....

I heart fire.

So we are driving along having a good old time when something down an alley to my right catches my eye. What do I see but a motorcycle on fire. But not just a flaming motorcycle but a flaming motorcycle on the flatbed of a pick up truck.

Sometimes life is better than fiction.