I heart Thrift Stores!

The last Thursday of the month is half off day at the huge thrift store. I had heard of this before but had never waded in. Well this time I did. HOLY SHIT! I have NEVER seen so many people in a store outside of Black Friday. It was packed to the point you could barely walk down the aisles. However that didn't dissuade me. I persevered and came up with some EXCELLENT finds!

If I were Oprah this would be my new favorite thing. It is a "Portable Pub". Black leather exterior. Red leather interior. Still with the original tags! The original tags from 1954!!!! So now the real question... who wants a drink?

I just got a 39 hit combo on Arkham! Suck on my bat-dick evil-doers!

Preview of my Super Villian costume for COPE. Yep, that's all you get!

I started Yoga today. It's been 3 months! Eek! So tight. And not in the good way!

I love what I find at thrift stores!!!

Mistress at the Movies: Green Lantern

So I know it isn't exactly new but I did just see Green Lantern at the second run theater.

I am not a huge DC fanatic. Other than Batman, that is. Superman makes me want to vomit. Wonderwoman is great but has a tendency to be a less cool, less entertaining version of Superman. The Flash....ugh. But I have dug the Green Lantern since I was forced to watch couple of animated flicks. It's an interesting concept for a super hero. I love when stories move beyond the established city and out into the world. And The Green Lantern goes beyond the world into worlds and the entire cosmos. Badass.

The movie looked...well.... bad, IMHO. About the only movies that I will shell out first run prices involve a certain Wizard or a comic book hero. However this one did not inspire me to hit the first run. However as soon as it hit second run we were there with bells on.

I think I might have preferred to go see The Hangover 2.

It wasn't terrible. However it was not good either. Sure Ryan Rynolds gets near naked a fair few times. But he is no Chris Hemsworth. The costume seemed... weird for weirdness sake. Too hokey for me to really swallow. And the story progressed so fast that by the end of it they left the plot wholly unbelievable.

"We can't save the world! We shouldn't even try!"

"Let's try!"

"OK!"

"Shoot! Can't! give it up for dead."

"I'll do it!"

"I did it!"

and the peasants rejoice.

that is my synopsis of this movie. It felt like the Cliffs Notes version of a movie. And by the end you were left sitting there going "Really?"

The CGI was cool. Beautiful and full of depth. But that can only get you so far (Imaginarium of Dr. Parnasis, I am looking at you). The script was LACKING!!!!!! Seriously, I looked for Michael Bay's name.

Overall it made me sad. Because I want DC to step up and do a cohesive theme with movies the way Marvel is doing with the Avengers. Make a kick ass movie for each character, tie them all together andthen hire Joss Whedon to make you a geektastic mental orgasm fest of a collective movie. Why can't DC do that with the Justice League? Let the current Bat die a quiet death. Make a Superman flick (hell I don't care what you make. I'm sure he will be flying and holding onto Lois by the end. Barf). Make a good Wonderwoman movie. NOT LIKE THE CRAP tv show where she';s running around in jeggings and a Target corset. Redo Bats. AND REDO GREEN LANTERN!! THEN... JUSTICE LEAGUE!!!!

Ok rant over. Green Lantern.... catch it on video (once it goes off the new release wall that is).

I'm a regular Jason Statham

Workin on cars today. Oil change on one. New tires on the other. I haven't actually driven my Caddy for alomst a year. Opeend up the door to find a wasps nest in the door jam!! EEK!!!!

My kid is off for her first day of 5th grade. In related news: I feel old.

Kind of says it all

Arkham City

Lana is wet.

Random bedroom fun

I just saw the preview for Batman Arkham City. Holy.... Fuck.... Batman!!! Im SOOOO wet right now!

Foot Slaves Wanted!

So unfortunately the Pedi Party/Welcome Home Party for my boi isn't happening. At least not for a bit while he continues to settle in. Sad face.

However! The more I think about it the more I really want to have one. So...



I am seeking a couple of people who are interested in serving at a Pedicure Party! What is a Pedicure Party I hear you ask? Well basically I invite a half dozen of my good friends over to enjoy themselves for the afternoon or evening and have a nice foot soak and scrub, followed by a foot massage. Then a pretty paint job for the toeseys. All while enjoying relaxing and fun conversation.

I am seeking 2-5 people interested in providing the actual pedicures. Foot fetishists welcome and encouraged. Ideal candidates enjoy spending time on their knees and are willing/eager to:

wash mostly women's feet (though there may be the occasional male attending as a guest)

scrub feet with pumice stone

Massage and lotion/oil feet

Paint toe nails

Serve in other capacities to get drinks (cabana boy style)

Possible kisses/worship Of feet on a case by case basis. But this should not be expected.

Willingness to act as a whipping boy (in case a guest wants to swing a flogger or paddle) a plus but is not required.

Willingness to do all above naked a major plus but not necessary.

All applicants must understand this is not a sly cover for a sex invite. There will be NO SEX OF ANY KIND! Let me repeat NO SEX OF ANY KIND! Seriously, the motivation to do this must be based in desire to touch feet and/or be of service. Once again: NO SEX!!!!

NO ONE OVERTLY CREEPY WILL BE CONSIDERED!

Oh and as I am a BBW, BBW lovers will be given extra consideration.

Training provided.

Interested? Inquire within.

I just made an Amazon Wishlist. What fun!

Facebook is not one of the "F" words I like!

In case you missed it one of the millions of times I have posted it: I HATE FACEBOOK! HATE! The fact of the matter is that if I know you and like you, you probably have my number/email/addy. If you don't, I probably don't want to talk to you. I only got a Facebook account because I was tired of getting those invitations. And I swear every time I log on it makes me hate it more. Nothing better than seeing the people you know and love are not too busy to drink their face off. Just, you know, not with you. Nothing better than logging on to see my 12 year old niece cursing her mouth off and talking all about her sex life. Seriously! Nothing better!

Social Networking was an excellent movie, but it didn't make me like facebook. In fact it may have turned me off to it even more.

Wtf?

Sent from my mobile. Enjoy.
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It appears that I have broken out with an accute case of 'perm'! What the hell? So that is where the perm I got when I was 12 went!

A wonderful suprise!

Today the mailman brought me a special treat. A box containing 2 lovely books I have not read before. But who were they from? No name on the box and no name on the invoice! All that praying to the Book Fairy must have finally paid off!!! Either that or a cute gal from the eastern seaboard sent me a wonderful present! So for the record Coral Mallow=SQUISH!!!!!!!!

Seriously! I am fucking thrilled! Books are some of my favorite things in the whole wide world! I love them! I hoard them! I give them away! I just love books! The idea of a pretty lady sending me unexpected books? HOT!

So take this as a lesson world! Fuck giving me flowers! Find me a good book and I will be a happy camper!

Much love Coral!!! Thank you!!!!

Interesting dream

So I had an interesting dream last night. Ever had a dream where you fetishize/sexualize someone you have never thought of as a sex object? I had one of those last night.

So in the dream I am at a convention. Not a kink convention unfortunately. And not any convention I have attended. Nor was it set at my dream-state generic convention center. This was a VERY detailed dream at a really nice resort. Hell in the dream I even looked around at the place saying, wow! So anyway there I am at a convention for goodness knows what chillin out doing what you do at conventions: meeting people! And I am having a hell of a time doing it! Sitting poolside with a drink that just kept getting refilled and looking pretty damn good. So I am generally enjoying my dream convention.

There are all sorts of celebrities walking around. Was that George Lucas? Was that Joss Whedon? I KNOW that is Mark Hamil!

Anyway, who comes walking up but the creators and writers of Robot Chicken, Seth Green, Matthew Senreich, Breckin Meyer, Mike Fasolo, and maybe a few others. Before I even get a chance to say "you fuckers make me laugh!" they tell me they are fans of MY WORK!!! WTF? But in the dream it seems natural. They must be referring to my books! Great! I tell them what fans I am of their silliness as well. We get to talking (over limitless drinks) and they tell me they are interested in possibly having me come do some writing work on Robot Chicken. I, of course, am geeked! They think it will be a good fit for me, but they would like to get to know me a bit more (read: hang out shit faced) to make sure that I will mesh with their family. Not a problem! Bring it on boys! They give me a room key to their suite where about 20 people are flopping.

This is where it gets a little fuzzy. I know at one point I rode an inflatable boat off a 10th story balcony into the swimming pool possibly with someone riding shotgun. Anyway We're hanging out. We're vibing. We're having a good time.

Somehow I find myself back in the suite. I have a vague recollection of wanting peanut butter but I can't be sure of that. In any case I am standing on the counter looking in the top cabinets. I feel someone come up behind me and hold my ankles to steady me. I don't turn around to see who it is, I am just happy someone will care if I fall on my ass. So I search the shelf to no avail. So I squat down so I can climb off the counter. As I slide down the hands on my ankles slide upward, up my calf's, up my thighs and eventually coming to rest full on my ass where they begin to kneed and caress it. Well I am all for anonymity but I decided to see who was putting the moves on me. My guess was the girl intern I'd been flirting with. So I turn around and who do I see?

Seth Green!

He raises an eyebrow, gives me a come hither look and slowly leans in to kiss me, his hands on my thighs.

And what do I do?

I laugh!!!!! right in his face!

It was really bizarre. I have never sexualized Seth Green so I was completely thrown off kilter when he laid his game down in my dream. And what I can not figure out is why I laughed!! It was hot! Seriously! I woke up a little wet. Had to hash it out with my girlfriend and we came to the conclusion that my subconscious is a cockblocker. Alas.

I told Jason about the dream. He decided it was a premonition of the future. After I have a book or two out I may just find myself at some geektastic convention with the folks of Robot Chicken. And if I do find myself in such a situation that I am under direct orders TO FUCK THE HELL OUT OF THAT LITTLE RED MAN!!!!!!

The moral of the story is this: I am sorry I turned you down Seth! Come back tonight and I will prove it!

Gd Motherf&\t/= $g/=+q*dh!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!! My washing machine broke!

I need a massage. No, seriously. STAT. ASAP. Other acronyms as well.