A word on...being bi.

I’m Bi.

I know: Shock! Gasp! It’s true though. Since before I was interested in boys I was interested in girls. My first sexual experiences were with girls. When I masterbate I think about or watch girls. And yet here I am married to a man. WTF?

Why am I telling you this? Because I’m fabulous and I know you wanted to know. You’re welcome. Also because a friend of mine told me that she has been repeatedly attacked both verbally and though email because she identifies as Bi. I repeat: WTF? I’ve received my fair bit of unpleasantness steming from my dalliances with the fairer sex (by which I mean both). But most of what I have encountered is just that, unpleasantness. Not attacks. So I was shocked to say the least.

To explain I hated the term “Bi” for a long time. In my mind bi=frustration. It wasn’t a real identifier. Bi people were kind of “with the band” if you know what I mean. Plus I couldn’t find any real bi women. Because let’s face it when you are “bi” the “bi” only matters when dealing with those of your same sex. Otherwise you are just straight. Anyway I was awash in “bi” women who were not really bi. They were that lovely subset that I would refer to as “poser bi” or “Oh me too!”. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones who say gratuitously how “bi” they are but only when there are people around, most importantly, if there are men around. The ones that will lead you on, making out with you, feeling you up and generally getting you rather wet in the pants at the party, all so they can get their boyfriend hard. They never had any intention of fucking you. You were a means to an end. I was up to my eyes in this type. And let me tell you that is a frustrating place to be.

Now I’ve always had steady boyfriends. I have been single about 3 weeks in the past 15 years (hand to god(s)) but I have never been able to shake that desire for the fairer sex. Thusly I have had several relationships with women in concurrence with my boyfriends. Trust me, they did not mind. However these girls did not identify as “bi”. Those wonderful women who have shared my life were straight clear through. But we were close enough that they felt comfortable telling me they were attracted to me (after years of knowing each other usually) and I gave them a slow introduction to the female anatomy. Then there were the straight up sluts. (These were known as my harem years) Anyway, I have recently learned the term “heteroflexible” and that describes these girls to a T. They were hetero, but for me they were prepared to be a bit flexible. I met most of them at church in my youth group (both kinds). Come to that I had a lot of sex at church events. No wonder I like religion play so much. Damnit Lana, focus! The point is they weren’t “bi”. And the Lesbians I knew at the time were not interested in “bi” girls as a rule (How L Word of them, and look!! Alice and Dana had a wonderful relationship! Until Dana died. FOCUS!)

I knew that I was not heteroflexible. I defiantly was not gay. I just like cock too much. Which left me with “bi” which I associated with frustration. I didn’t like any of these. So I did the only thing I that was appropriate. I stopped labeling myself. I persued relationships where I had interest regardless of what gender they were. If pressed I would say I was “Omnisexual”. During this time of being a sexual omnivore I met the 5 people who I formed long term lasting relationships with. 2 female. 3 male. Though I did not know it at the time most of these relationships were unhealthy power exchanges. But that is another blog for another day. Both females were straight. 2 of the 3 men were bi. How odd is that?

Anyway, I got hip to the D/s scene and learned the term pansexual which though it didn’t quite feel right I took that up for a while. For those of you who don’t know what pansexual means, it means “Yes” but emphatically. It seemed to cover more of my interests which I was finding out were many and varied. I like it all. It’s all hot to me. 2 men fucking. 2 women fucking. 2men and a woman. 2 women and a man. 1 man, 1 woman and a MTF transsexual. 1 man, 1 woman and a FTM transsexual. 4 bis, 2 gays, 3 lesbians, 3 transexuals and a harley. YES! So I identified as pansexual in that I checked that box when I set up my fetlife account. But when I meet someone face to face and they inquire about my sexuality I always say “I’m bi.”

But when I hear from a beautiful strong bi woman that she is being harassed because of how she identifies I had to give it a good think. How should I identify? See in my heart I am bi. Why? Because when I was first finding a word to put to what I am so that others would understand who and what I was, that word was bi. And though other words have come along that may be more spot on, those words have never felt right for me. Yes, I could call myself pansexual so that whoever I meet knows that I like it all (which is somehow more specific) but it’s never felt right for me. Nor has omni or straight or gay or anything else I have stumbled across. Bi feels right to me.

To those who give my friends shit for identifying themselves as Bi, I’m going to say this 2 different ways. 1 nice. 1 not. Take away whichever feels right to you.

1. Sexuality is a long road traveled. No 2 people walk precisely the same path. Those who are lucky enough to know, truly know, their sexuality and feel strong enough to express it to the world and live it openly should not be harassed regardless of if they identify as gay, straight, bi, trans, omni, nuetral, or non gender specific. Or any other sexuality I may not know of because I am sure there are loads. In the end it does not affect or effect you in any way what she, I or anyone else chooses to call themselves. If they are not harming you, then do not harm in return. If you think they should define themselves differently realize that is your opinion and does not mean that others should share it.

And now the second option. This one is the not so nice one. Those with delicate sensibilities should turn away now.


2. Go fuck yourself! You’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve emailing someone an unsolicited tirade of hate. Who the fuck are you anyway? Who? A screen name? Fuck right off. My friend is a prominent member of the community in the offline sense of that word. Which means she has the balls to get out from behind the computer screen. She’s not spending an hour composing a scathing letter to someone she doesn’t know because she doesn’t like what some anonymous stranger has on a profile. She’s out there living and loving and playing and fucking and making the most out of this short little blip we call life. So kiss my bi ass on her behalf! She’s too classy to tell you what a fuck wad you are.

Now if the second option offended you feel free to ehate me. But just remember, you had an option and you chose hate. Not me. You. So bring it. I eat Mormons for breakfast.