Movie Recommendation: The Fourth Kind

Usually it’s only those who are fortunate enough to txt with me or be on my Netflix friends list (btw if you are on Netflix, be my friend!!!) that are lucky enough to get Lana’s Movie Reviews. But now you, my extended virtual family, get an installment.

I watched The Fourth Kind with my husband last night and to be perfectly honest it scared the fuck right out of me. And that very rarely happens. VERY. I love horror. In fact I dedicate the entire month of October as “Scary Movie Month”. In that month I will watch every horror flick regardless of budget that my husband brings home. I dig it. Scary movies are better than horror in my opinion though. If the movie messes with your mind ala The Sixth Sense, more the better. If it is a straight up hack slash flick, none the worse. I’ve seen every Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Candyman, and all the other franchise flicks ever made. Those who know me know there is only one franchise I avoid like the plague. That is The Children of the Corn. Won’t touch those with a 10 foot pole.

See I have 2 fears. Both irrational, but what can you do? Anyway I am afraid of corn fields and aliens. Yes I said cornfields. Not corn itself so don’t try to be cute if we’re at a cookout. I love dead corn. But while it is live and in the field….Cringe…shudder. Now with corn fields come a fear of the Amish. Yes, the Amish. They scare me. I don’t know if in a past life I was a Mennonite girl captured for my wicked ways and held prisoner of some twisted “fundamental” Amish who spent years torturing me sexually, physically and mentally. In fact if that would explain several aspects of this lifetime, but I digress. The fact is, I saw The Children of the Corn when I was a bit too young and it scared my over active imagination. It took me 2 solid years of living amidst corn fields before I stopped hyperventilating while driving past one. I know you are laughing, but they terrify me.

So bear that in mind when I tell you that I would rather convert and go live with the Amish than to see a UFO. Aliens petrify me. Don’t get me wrong. Not the X Files or Men in Black type aliens. In fact representations of aliens don’t bug me at all. The only movie I have seen that scared me was Signs. Cornfield+Alien=Lana never watching it again. It scared me, though now I feel that it could have just been Crazy Mel. What scares me is that I do believe in life beyond this planet. And to hear my beliefs on that subject we have to be sitting face to face with a vodkay drink in our hands. But I can say that my beliefs fall more into the Chariots of The Gods realm and not in the Illuminati/David Ikee realm. I would like to think that if there was life beyond this planet and that life was more advanced than us to the point that they are able to make transgalactic journeys that the alien race would hopefully be coming in a research capacity, Star Trek style. In fact I like the Star Trek idea a lot. They may be here amongst us, but they have their Prime Directive and as we all know you get in trouble if you break the Prime Directive. I can live with that. But that asshole in my head keeps asking “Yeah but what if they’re not? What if there are alien assholes who go joyriding to our Podunk little planet and kidnap and rape the indigenous peoples because they know we have no way of informing the Federation?” Because if that’s the case with my luck I know I am going to be one of those unlucky bastards! My grandfather said he saw a UFO. Not in the Look up in the sky way, but the Unsolved Mysteries way. 10 feet in front of him and 40 feet up. Before you scoff, my grandfather was a Sheriff and not the type to make up stores or lie. Whatever he saw or felt that night scared him to the point that the 2 times he ever spoke about that night he cried. He wasn’t that type either.

This movie fucked me up. See it.