Happy New Year!

Old man 2012 is about to rest his weary old head while mother nature is in contractions ready to bring forth the baby of 2013. Another year down. 2012 has been filled with all sorts of stresses and joys. My parents divorced this year after 33 years of marriage. Suddenly though not unexpectedly I became the rock of my family taking on the responsibilities of 3 households. It has been….stressful. But at the end of the day I am glad that the charade of marriage is over. The grievances and grudges they have been carrying all these years are released. Now if I could only get some forward movement on getting rid of their house I could release some of the stress I am carrying. 3 households is a lot to juggle and skilled as I am at keeping the balls in the air I would like to let some of them fall. I ended a long term relationship. It was very hard. I have tried many times in the past only to pussy out at the last minute or to accept her back but this year I drew the line in the sand. No more. And I am sticking to it. I feel free in a way I have not in a long, long time. Now I can look forward to entering into new relationship(s) unencumbered by bullshit drama! YAY for drama-free zones! This year was big for my daughter as well. She has been harboring a love of geology for the past several years. She can and will talk to you about the metamorphic process for hours. I find it as boring as..well…a pile of rocks but to her it is fascinating so I do everything I can to encourage it. This year for our family vacation we went to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky. It was delightful. Ok, that is a lie. It was miserable. We must have offended Thor because it rained like he had a personal vendetta against us all night every night we camped. Which meant my husband and I stayed up all night keeping the water off the roof. Everything was wet. However come morning the skies cleared and the day turned out to be beautiful (if not a bit stifling). My purpose in going camping at the cave was to do something my daughter would enjoy. What happened was that she discovered a career path. She talked to every single ranger we encountered. Every one of them was more than happy to chat about rocks and minerals to her hearts content. A couple even took her off trail. I don’t know which one it was that suggested she might want to become a Park Ranger but I would like to shake his/her hand. It lit a fire in her imagination and for the first time I saw how this obsession could become a career. And for that I am both thankful and excited. I had set a goal for myself to finish my book this year. Unfortunatly I am not going to meet that goal. I did get more than halfway through before I decided that, given the current political situation in Egypt I would have to rewrite a large portion of it. I have worked hard to make the story as accurate and believable (for the subject matter) as I possibly can and I just could not include the current state of civil unrest in my story and make it believable. So back to the board on that. However I have already started the rewrites and I am pleased that the ideas are coming fast and freely, which makes me very happy. I presented a class at a convention for the first time. It went very well and I got lots of great feedback. I was honored and delighted to be a part of it and I am hoping to have more opportunities to present in the future. But enough about the past. The future is staring me right in the face. This coming year should be another fun filled ride. I don’t believe in resolutions however I do believe in ideas. So my 2013 ideas go a little something like this: I will get back to my exercise program religiously. This every once in a while stuff is bullshit and I am over it. So back to the 2011 schedule. I can already feel my muscles thanking me.  I will work on completing my novel. Hopefully you will be getting it for Christmas next year. Fingers crossed. I WILL get out to Portland and see my favorite people in the world. I WILL! I will try to write some of my non-novel ideas down and finish up a lot of the writing projects that are half finished. I would like to start posting more to my blog. Perhaps even bring back Sunday Smut. I miss writing Smut. I will NOT go crazy from having a pre-teen daughter. I WILL NOT!!!! I will both kinky camp and family camp this summer. I will visit the inlaws and even try to have a good time. Above all I will remember that I am a beautiful, intelligent, vivacious woman. I hope you have a wonderful New Year! HUGS! Lana

Best Christmas Carol EVER!

Lots of love!

Happy Today!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! Lots of love! Lana

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hope you've been good! Maybe Santa will bring you exactly what you want!

For Cynthia and Timothy

I just got back from a funeral. A dear friend's son has been missing since September. Monday the police found his body. It is, of course, a relief to have found him. My friend can find some closure even if she won't find answers. I can not begin to fathom the pain she is experiencing. I find myself bereft of words. So I will allow others to say it far better than I could. This is "I Know Exactly What Love Is".

Pre post apocalyptic thoughts

It’s a wonderful week for an apocalypse! That’s right, this Friday is the day that the Mayans will pull themselves out of their graves and sweep across the globe spreading death in their wake. Or if some of the local church billboards are to be believed Jesus (who apparently follows the Mayan calendar) will come to Earth on a shiny rainbow and take all the good kids up to heaven. Or, as my husband is hoping for, it’s the day that he begins his life as a Zombie Killer. Or, perhaps it is just the end of a sophisticated calendar system(What with all calendars having a beginning and an end). We will find out soon enough, won’t we? No. Ours is not to wonder why, ours is to do and/or die. But, sitting here on the verge of something (or nothing) I find myself getting reflective. If this is the end of the world (or another Friday) what really matters? Have I done...enough. Have I accomplished enough of the desires in my heart to be able to look back on it and say ‘Yes. Yes I had a good, good life.’? It’s a hard question. What standard against which do I measure? To my in-laws standard I have certainly failed. Not enough money made and saved. To my parents standard…well they would be satisfied if I lived in a lean-to in the woods. As long as I was happy. The only standard against which I can measure the fullness of my life is against my own. And like most things in my life, it has its’ own soundtrack. The song is “Somebody” (I believe) and is by an amazing man and a talented singer named LeRoy White. This LeRoy White http://youtu.be/gXhWvDe2s58 not those other LeRoy Whites. I couldn’t find his song on the internet but the main point is: “At the end of my days, all I pray, Is that I have somebody who really, really, really loves me.” That is the standard to which I measure my life. And to that standard I am fulfilled. I am successful beyond even my own dreams. For whatever good deed I did in my past life I was rewarded in this by finding, befriending, marrying and loving the most wonderful man in the world. It isn’t the thousands of things he does for me to show his devotion and love, it is the wonderful person he is that makes me lucky. I have never met someone like him. It is truly a privilege to share my life with him. I have a beautiful, intelligent, funny daughter who is so much her own person at times it can be her downfall. But she is all the better for it. She is the very definition of love, loved and loving. She heals hearts and delights in all. I adore her beyond words. I have an amazing group of friends whose friendship is built upon the solid foundation of self awareness and exploration. Not for us the mundane friendship built on small talk and platitudes. No, we’d rather cut right to the meat of the matter and run, laughing toward our bliss. So if the close of the week were to bring me to the end of my days I know can say without hesitation that I do have somebody, many somebodies actually who do really, really, really love me. Each of which I really, really, really love in return. So bring on the apocalypse. Bring the zombies and the Mayans and the Rapture and anything else. Because I am loved. And I’ve got 2 military supply airlift boxes full of survival gear and supplies. But mostly the love thing.

Happy Holidays!

Today I was out and about putting the last minute touches on my holiday prep. I stopped by Hobby Lobby to pick up some Chicago Bears duct tape for my father-in-law. I had printed a few 40% off coupons off from the website. I only needed 1 but I like to give them out in line. Today I gave one to the gentleman in front of me who was buying a badass Batman rail car set for his kids. The set was $150 and therefore saved $60. We chatted as the line was moving at a glacial speed and he told me thank you several times. He said he had not experienced a single act of kindness this holiday season and he was so glad to see kindness wasn't dead. I accepted his thanks and assured him it was no big deal. At that point the line split into 2 and we hit separate counters. After making our purchase we ended up walking out together. We both stopped at the Salvation Army bell ringer. I tossed in the change left over from my purchase. I was floored to see that he put in 3 $20 bills. The $60 he saved with the coupon. He winked and said "one good turn deserves another." We wished each other happy holidays with large smiles and parted ways. I won't ever see this man again but today we experienced a wonderful moment that I will carry with me this whole holiday season and beyond.