So I get online today and as usual the headlines pop up. Minister raises money...blah blah blah...Kate Goslin is getting a new show..barf....Plus Sized Model Wears Bodysuit for Photoshoot....Humm.... So I click on that.
I should have known better.
In the fashion industry what passes for plus sized in a size 8. Which arouses a bit of homicidal rage in me. Really? A size 8? And she DARED to put on a bodysuit? How could she bring herself to squeeze all that fat into it?
Please.
I am fat and am definatly not a size 8. Hell I'm not even a size 18. But you know what? I am fucking hot. It's taken me a long road to get here but I can say that with absolute and utter sincerity.
Once upon a time I was a much smaller lady. Size 12. which I know would kill any chance of being a model. That would be concidered morbidly obese in fashion. However even when I was at that smaller size I thought I was fat. Hugely. I had a horrible self image and like most people with poor self images I allowed others to define my beauty. I sought out relationships to validate my worth. Men and women who treated me at times like less than a person and used my own fears of myself to keep me in check. They withheld the affection I so desperately craved and only doled it out very occasionally. Statements like "You aren' that ugly" were concidered high praise in my fucked up adolecent mind.
Then something changed. I could attribute that change to many things. The disolving of those relationships, moving out and being on my own. But the truth is the change only happened within my own head. I said enough. If I wanted people to love me for me then I had to love myself. Extra roll and all. So I began working on that. And before I knew it, I loved myself.
After I had my kid my body kind of exploded the same as most women in my family. I fought it. I worked hard at the gym. I dieted my way into severe blood problems. I did what I could to try to make myself thinner. It didn't work. So I was faced with a new problem to face. Could I love myself and find myself hot when I was as big as a float (slight exageration)?
The answer I am glad to say is I sure can! And because I love myself and I know that I am a hot piece of ass it is easier for others around me to see me in that light. and if they don't? Fuck em. That is my philosophy. How does it hurt me that some stick insect wants to make a fat ass comment to me at the movie store? More often than not I just turn around and comment back to them that I eat little girls like them for breakfast. That usually scares them into shutting up. I think that a part of them believes me. Which makes me laugh.
Weight does not matter to me. I am happy in my skin. I encourage everyone else to be as well. It makes life so much easier.
The people of the world who want to concider a size 8 plus sized... well fuck em too. Marilyn Monroe dresses wore the modern day eqivalent of a 8/10. And if you want to see some good looking plus sized models check out Leonard Nimoy's Full Body Project. Beautiful. http://www.leonardnimoyphotography.com/2photo.htm
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2 comments:
I love you and think you are one of the most beautiful people I know. I'm proud of you for reaching this point because I know it hasn't always been easy. No one else can define beauty, love, sexiness or truth for ourselves but ourselves. If they ever try to tell you otherwise, fuck em all.
By the way, I have seen Leonard Nimoy's photography before and LOVE the one of the ladies dancing in a circle.
What??? You mean you could tell that I used to hate myself?? And I thought I kept that one under my hat ;) Thank you my dear! If it hadn't been for real friends like you then it would have been a much harder road.
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