Talk about a fast paced kind of a week. So much can go wrong so quickly. And not just the things we think of as being a big deal. My car, my phone, etc. My sub recently lost one of his best friends.
When you begin a D/s relationship it is very exciting. new things to do with a new person. Everything is fresh. So many expectations. So many ideas to try out.
But once you have gotten into the relationship for a bit real life does tend to intrude on the ideally created and meticulously crafted D/s world. I've tried out some subs before that when the going got tough the sub got going. In the long run that was a good thing. It exposed those who were not in the relationship for the right reasons. Thankfully it allowed me to stop wasting my time with that type.
So when shit hit the fan so to speak recently I did harbor a little fear. Though my current sub has shown in just about every way that he is dedicated to our relationship I was still concerned that these events, especially being in such quick sequence, might send him running.
I am happy to report that he has not. With the issues that has arisen in my life he has been most helpful and willing to do whatever needed to be done, dealing well with the loss of our weekend and not pouting (another ANNOYING habit of past subs). With the death of his friend he was not afraid to tell me what he needed from me in the way of support which I, of course, freely offered.
I have had a couple of lifestyle friends email me telling me that this is the time for me to crack down on him. Turbulence is a way to strengthening the relationship. Make sure he is under my thumb, etc. I can't say I really agree with this. Though it may work for some, it isn't really my way. I am not looking for a submissive who needs to be "put in his place". I want one that knows his place. And becoming aggressively Dominant at times of chaos and loss feels to me like it exacerbate the situation.
So right or wrong that is where I am head space wise. We continue his training. He continues his journals and I am very happy that he will be able to join me at the next convention to serve me the whole weekend. I am actually very excited about this. Yes we lost our last weekend together, but the next will be one he won't forget his entire life. At least that is the way I have it planned.
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2 comments:
I'm tempted to disagree with the advice you were given. D/s relationships are a constant power exchange. There will inevitably be moments in the s's life when "life" has to take precedence - as the D you have to be strong enough to recognize these moments, and thorough enough to still maintain control while allowing enough leeway for s to get things back in order (this even applies to things like sickness as well). However, on the flip side, if s starts wallowing and taking too much time (and becoming selfish), it is entirely up to the D to snap them back into the D/s reality. :-) Just my thoughts.
Thank you for them Chris! I am glad to see that I wasn't the only one who would disregard that advice.
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