May lightening strike me if I'm.... OH SHIT!!!!!

MONROE, Ohio – A six-story statue of Jesus Christ was struck by lightning and burned to the ground, leaving only a blackened steel skeleton and pieces of foam that were scooped up by curious onlookers Tuesday.

The "King of Kings" statue, one of southwest Ohio's most familiar landmarks, had stood since 2004 at the evangelical Solid Rock Church along Interstate 75 in Monroe, just north of Cincinnati.

The lightning strike set the statue ablaze around 11:15 p.m. Monday, Monroe police dispatchers said.

The sculpture, about 62 feet tall and 40 feet wide at the base, showed Jesus from the torso up and was nicknamed Touchdown Jesus because of the way the arms were raised, similar to a referee signaling a touchdown. It was made of plastic foam and fiberglass over a steel frame, which is all that remained Tuesday.

The nickname is the same used for a famous mural of the resurrected Jesus that overlooks the Notre Dame football stadium.

The fire spread from the statue to an adjacent amphitheater but was confined to the attic area, and no one was injured, police Chief Mark Neu said.

Estimated damage from the fire was set at $700,000 — $300,000 for the statue and $400,000 for the amphitheater, Fire Capt. Richard Mascarella said Tuesday.

The Ohio State Highway Patrol was at the scene Tuesday to prevent traffic jams and potential accidents from motorists stopping along the highway to take photographs.

The patrol began issuing citations about 4 p.m. Tuesday to motorists for stopping on the side of the highway, dispatcher Adam Brown said. The number of gawkers coupled with construction had slowed I-75 traffic in the area to a crawl, the state Highway Patrol said.

Some people were scooping up pieces of the statue's foam from the nearby pond to take home with them, said church co-pastor Darlene Bishop.

"This meant a lot to a lot of people," she said.

Keith Lewis, of nearby Middletown, arrived at the church around 7 a.m. Tuesday to photograph the remains for his wife. Lewis said he had viewed the statue as both an oddity and an inspiration.

Cassie Browning, a church member from Dayton, said she was driving home when she saw smoke and noticed the statue was missing.

Travelers on I-75 often were startled to come upon the huge statue by the roadside, but many said America needs more symbols like it. So many people stopped at the church campus that church officials had to build a walkway to accommodate them.

Bishop said the statue will be rebuilt.

"It will be back, but this time we are going to try for something fireproof," she said.

The 4,000-member, nondenominational church was founded by Bishop and her husband, former horse trader Lawrence Bishop.

Lawrence Bishop said in 2004 he was trying to help people, not impress them, with the statue. He said his wife proposed the Jesus figure as a beacon of hope and salvation.





OMG! I laughed so hard I hurt. Oh those poor people... HEHEHEHEEEE!!!! I think the question they need to be asking is How did I piss off Zeus?

The Laptop Gods are Displeased!

As I write this I am getting more and more frustrated. Why? Because I CAN BARELY SEE MY GOD DAMNED SCREEN!!! Calm down Lana. Take a deep breath. Nope. I still can’t see it! DAMNIT!

Last night there was some sort of power surge that managed to make its’ way past My surge protector. Don’t know what it did to My laptop but now the screen is so dim that I can barely see. It is really hurting My eyes to continue typing this. But on I persevere because writing really is My life. I write to relax. I write to process. I write a lot. My goal in life is to become a published author. AND NOW MY COMPUTER IS FUCKED UP!!!! I called the local computer repaid guy who has always done well by Me. Since My laptop is older than dirt (2002) he said there isn’t much of a point in repairing the screen as it will cost almost half of getting a new laptop.

I am so angry I could scream.

In fact I think I will.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Deep breaths Lana.. 1….2….3….4…5…6…FUCKING DAMNIT!

I just can’t express how utterly totally I am over this. I don’t need the nicest things. I don’t require much in the way of the material. All I asked for is that I have a laptop with word processing capabilities so that I can keep up with My train of thought.

FUCK!

If you have an old laptop you would like to sell cheap, please let Me know. Or if you would like to contribute to the “Lana Needs A New Fucking Laptop Fund” donations will be gratefully accepted to My email address through Paypal.

RIP Rue

I tried to embed a video of an interview with Rue done 2 years ago but apparently I am not able to figure out how to get the code. So I can't do it. :( But it was a great interview where she talked about having lunch with her son when a gay man came up to tell her how much he loved her. Rue told him she never really understood why gay men loved her so much. He told her "Oh honey! It's because we all want to be Blanche!" It made me laugh. It made her laugh.

I will miss you Rue!

Betty, don't get any ideas!

Pictures of the Past

Was looking through some pictures recently and found a couple of gems.



This is Me at Castle Loma in Toronto. I love this pic. Mainly because I am finally in My element. I seem to be looking around saying... Yes... This will do.



And this is one of My all time favorites! this was taken at My husband's going away party when he tried to escape Ohio and Me. It didn't last long. A few months and then he was back and under lock and key before no time. But what is great about this pic is that it was taken well before I found out how kinky I really was. But notice that My husband has a collar and leash on. Because that is how I roll!

Lana's Adventures In Half Priced Books

So I recently went onto another excursion into Half Priced Books. That place is bad for Me. It bleeds money from Me every time I go in, no matter how resolved I am to resist it’s charms. Like a really good hooker. So to combat this I simply pass by all the little nooks and crannies of books and head straight to the back wall where the “Clearance” sign hangs. And there I set up shop.

See I am not awfully picky about what I read. I know some people are rabidly loyal to certain authors… which by the way you all better be to Me when I finally get published! … and I am too. To a certain extent. If I like a writing style I will usually read everything that author has put out. In that way you see them grow and get to know them. Reading an author’s entire work is like a conversation. It’s lovely. Unless of course their style becomes repetitive and formulaic ::coughAnneRicecoughPhillipaGreggorycough:: then I have no issue with cutting them off and ending the conversation. There are plenty of other authors in the bookstore and I am a bit of a book whore. I get around.

Lots of whore analogies in this one folks.

Anywhoo… So there I am in HPB. I’ve fought My way valiantly past all the racks calling My name and have arrived at base camp in The Clearance Zone. Now what I like about TCZ is that the nonfiction is larger than the fiction section. I suppose that means fiction sells better. Blah. Nonfiction rules. There are so many varieties of books that fall under the non fiction category. Cookbooks, self help, space exploration, biographies, chronicles, reference, comics for some reason. The list never ends. It’s fabulous. So the nonfiction rack at HPB in TCZ is a general hodge podge of just about everything. I find some of My favorite books there.

This was a recent find from TCZ that I am actually kicking Myself that I didn’t buy.

When I saw this I burst out laughing. I know, how unPC of Me. But there it is. The Date Rape Prevention Book. I had to check it out to find out if it was a joke. Maybe it was one of those gag books that Spencer’s and Waterbeds sells. I laughed even harder when I saw that it was a real book. And a pretty big one. About 200 pages. Surely, I thought, there can’t be 200 pages worth of tips on how to avoid getting oneself date raped. Was it in list form? Or perhaps a checklist of What Not to do if you would rather not get date raped. Maybe they list all the qualities that end of leading to being date raped. In which case that could be useful information should I decide to engage in some non-con play. At the very least I expected some Martial Artsesque diagrams of how to put down your would be date rapist.

I was sorely disappointed.


As it turns out the book was just a self help guide about building yourself up so you don’t put yourself in a situation where you might end up possibly getting date raped. Read: Do not have sex with nor associate with the opposite sex until you are married at least 5 years and your priest gives the OK. I have to hand it to them. It’s pretty failsafe. That is a solid plan to avoid date rape. However that just seems like pretty weak sauce for such a strong title. Like it belongs in The Really Good Advice To Avoid Getting Date Raped.

Btw I wrote the Cliff’s Notes for this particular book which I am including below. I hope you enjoy!

Cliff’s Notes for The Date Rape Prevention Book.

Don’t drink.

Congratulations!

Happy Anniversary to a couple who almost never makes me ill! Happy Anniversary Chris and keith!

Trip to COSI

So my inlaws were in town last weekend. My mother in law had us take her to COSI (not the restaurant but the great children's museum). Believe it or not we had a blast. Here are a couple of pics. Pretty cute!




Cool pic of my kid being silly



My mother in law had fun.. and I managed to capture it!



One of their exhibits was Grossology. The Impolite Science of the Human Body. This was a giant walk in nose!




Me in the nose. I was so white I looked like cocaine!



And last but not least, Rat Basketball! This is a staple of the COSI experience and I never miss it if I can help it. These 2 rats are Audrey and Kathrine. You can see Katherine is scoring a point in the pic!

Woot!

So there I am yesterday, laying around feeling pretty crap overall. Oh did I not mention I’ve been sick as a dog for a few days now. My daughter came down with whatever the hell this is last week. I came down with it this. Now my husband is showing signs of it. Joy. Anyway, I am laying in bed congested, achy and terribly inconvienced by the whole thing when my phone rings. And the picture on my phone is a beautiful woman who I’ve been crushing on for a long time. Eek!! Ended up talking with her for about an hour and a half and I am happy as a lark! Good conversation that left me giggly for about an hour afterward. And we all know how adorable I am when I’m giggly. I mean come on, this woman sang Animaniacs to me! How on earth could I not go weak at the knees?

I love unexpected goodness!

Lana the author

So I am in the process of another sweeping edit of the book I have written. I will be adding about 5 more chapters and pumping up the rest so I can get it up to size and see about getting this puppy out there for mass consumption. Fingers crossed.

I went down and spent the day with my lady life mate yesterday. We worked and had fun. It was lovely. And I got away with a lot of booty. Well I mean, I know I have a lot of booty but that wasn't exactly what I meant...

After she kicked me out ;) I decided to treat myself to some new panties at Lane Bryant. I walked in and foudn the BEST pair of panites. I was looking for cute but utilitarian cotton boyshorts (the only type I wear) but instead found the bestest black frilly butt boyshorts EVER!!! Last pair and they were in my size. JOY!

Then upon standing in line I happened to glance over at the clearance rack and what do I see but a GORGEOUS red bustier. I had to investigate. Not only was it in my size but so was the matching garterbelt.

Yes... Lana had a good day. Will post pictures after it makes its' debut tonight. :) If I remember that is.

CONGRATULATIONS KEITH!!!!!

Many MANY hearty congratulations to my best friend Keith who managed to tack down a pretty sweet job while he is finishing up school! CONGRATS BABE!

Although I think it was my phone interview that put you over the edge. So, you're welcome! ;)

Checking in

so much has been in flux over the past weeks. My grandma had a stroke. She is thankfully recovering well and is talking and able to move (mostly) both sides of face. So best way to come through all of that. Took my car into to get new tires yesterday and was told that the front stabalization bar, both ball joints and the struts were totaled. If you have driven with my father you understand why. So over 1k later my car runs smoothly. Thank goodness. My sub is leaving Sat to go for pre deployment training for a month. Suck. Though at the moment I am less than happy with him. The weather can't seem to decide which way it is going. And for some reason I am blocked in writing. Damn that is difficult. But as ever I just persevere and keep at it until the dam in my mind breaks. I know, I know. My mind is already broken.

You know Monty Python? Of course you do! Then you are familiar with Monty Python then most likely you are familiar with the phrase “And now for something completely different”. This will be like that, except “And now for something completely contraverisal”

I will state at the beginning that the author of this blog does not condone the content of this blog. In fact the author should be ashamed for even thinking about this topic. Bad Lana! In any case if you get upset by what the author has said please get over yourself. I am only following a thought that occurred to me, nothing more.

So I am reading a book called ‘The World’s Most Evil Psychopaths: Horrifying True-Life Crimes”. Why? As you know if you have met me I love history. If it’s true, I will read about it. I thought when picking up the book that it would be a lot of Ed Geins, John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy and that ilk. Yes JWG and TB have their own section (apparently Ed Geins didn’t make the cut which I would argue over) but then I was confronted by about 50 people who made those 3 look like amatures. Maybe I’ve watched too much Dexter (NOW THAT is a SEXY man) but this is one of the most interesting books I have read in a while.

What struck me was the repeated theme of bondage. Not like Boston Strangler kind of bondage, but time after time several of the killers started out kidnapping women or men and then simply tieing them up. Perhaps they got fondled but often it was simply the act of tieing the people up that motivated some of these bastards. They didn’t start killing until they had one of their many victims get loose from the ropes and try to escape. Even the police said that that appeared to be the only motivation.

I was telling my husband about the book and how I had noticed that. I made an off handed comment that maybe if these people had found someone willing to be tied up they may not have progressed to the next level and began killing people. In each of these cases the eventual killer was not dismembering animals as children. Usually they grew up just as normal as could be and then at some point began kidnapping woman or men and tieing them up supposedly because they felt an overwhelming need to. Well my husband said that was a horrible thing to even say. Would I want someone like that in my community? And of course I say NO! There are enough people out there which worry me without adding possible serial killers (not that I haven’t met some people who have made me wonder). But I can’t help wonder if they had come into contact with say some gal or guy who wanted to be tied up if maybe they wouldn’t have made that next step and countless lives would have been saved.

Or I could be talking out my ass.

The times they are a-changin

That pretty much sums up what all is going down on my end in general. My gf is going through a divorce, finally jetesoning a man who was no where near worthy of her. My parents are separating after years of mutual loathing. My sub will soon be leaving for a month to train to go over seas in a few months. The only thing that seems to be reliable right now is the damned weather. All shit all the time.

Ugh.

Good book

I got an adorable book from the clearance rack at Half Price Books.It is called “The Nympho and Other Maniacs. The lives, The Loves, and the Sexual Adventures of Some Scandalous and Liberated Ladies” Rarely have I been so pleased with a clearance bin purchase.

It is a collection of profiles of several woman throughout time that have done something scandalous, wether sexual or just challenging to the thoughts of the time. Though I have read too much to agree with all the points the author makes I none the less enjoyed his unrelenting Pro-Sex viewpoint that he told each of the stories from. Women have been demonized in literature for far too long. Especially those out there, like myself, who enjoy getting down and dirty. Yes it’s dated and yes the author at times gives the pervy uncle vibe but there is a part of me that likes that too.

The author is defiantly Pro-Mistress which caught my attention. Though as it turns out his definition of Mistress is slightly different than Mine. In the very beginning of the book he quotes several dictionary definition of Mistress. My favorite of which is “A woman who illicitly occupies the place of wife.” Though I don’t agree with the “place of wife” part I can easily exchange that one word for place of Priority and be completely at ease. Though I do believe in transparency so nothing I do is technically considered illicit, I like the way that being called illicit makes me feel.

So if you happen across the little gem I would recommend picking it up. Good stuff.

Team Conan

So my friend asked me (a while ago actually) in an email where I was on the Leno/Conan feud. I absolutely forgot to respond so I am letting him and the world know now. Even if it is too late for the red headed one.

A bit calmer

Well I am a bit calmer than I was last night. It's a bit shocking to find out that you have been absolutely and utterly screwed. But I have taken a few breaths, figured out a plan, and will hopefully be able to move beyond this matter quickly and with no more pain involved.

So I am in a bit of better place. Not great. Not good. But a bit better.

FUCK NICK ODENWELLER-STOVER!!!!! NSFW

So I just got the call from the asshole who hit me insurance company. Yes, he does have insurance as it turns out. Well the fucker lied through his god damned teeth to his insurance company and claims that I HIT HIM! I HIT HIM!!!! So they won't be doing anything at all. In fact I got called a liar. several times. Even implied that I was trying to commit insurance fraud. AND their insurance adjuster (the same insurance adjuster who checked out my car. I knew that would be a problem) has said that his verision is more probable. Which may well have fucked me for sueing the fucker in small claims court (assuming of course that I can locate his information).

I am so upset I am sick.

I am so upset I am angry.

I am so FUCKING UPSET BECAUSE HE GETS AWAY WITH THIS!!!!!!

I got hit. My car got totalled. He admitted fault. And because he wants to be a lieing little fucking PRICK he gets away with it. Fuck him! FUCK HIM SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW!!!!


Take this as a lesson. DON'T TRUST PEOPLE! THEY WILL FUCK YOU!!!!


Oh and if you happen to know about a Nick Odenweller, a Nick Stover or a Nick Odenweller-Stover then PLEASE let me know.

random funny

This just tickled me. I may be a bit slap happy though.

update

So I am not really interested in going into the details as they are long and complex, however the car situation now involves lawyers and I will leave it at that. Our car is being repaired which is good. Many thanks to all that sent me well wishes. I greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

But the hits just keep on coming. Today my cell (which everyone knows is my link to the world outside Galion) committed suicide. It lept from my pocket and died on impact. Of course I am being dramatic, but it is dead and I am upset. So I am in need of phone numbers from all you lovely folks I talk with, txt with, email with and play with. If you have heard from me on the phone, can you shoot me an email letting me know your number? Thanks!

Ok I think that wraps it up for me for now. I know, nothing too exciting but hey...