Black Friday

If you are going to be out today, may the force be with you. I am wishing you love and luck from my warm comfy bed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

As I am sure you are aware tomorrow is Thanksgiving. While I don’t jive with the tradition of the holiday (the whole pilgrims and Native Americans wash) I do appreciate the sentiment of the day. A day set aside for us to give thanks. Whether you give that thanks to a deity or if you simply take a moment to be thankful for what you have, I think it is a wonderful idea. Too often the static of the world interferes with our sense of thankfulness. As it did for me today. I woke up in a close to wonderful mood. My daughter and husband are off school and work respectively which means I did not have to set an alarm. We all got to sleep in (something that rarely happens in our house) and all woke near the same time (Thanks to the dog down the street that was so full of glee he had to share with the entire neighborhood). However soon after that my happiness began to ebb. The paycheck due today was less than anticipated. The kid was being lazy. The husband forgot something. I felt my mood slipping. But then something happened. I got onto fetlife and saw a beautiful post from a member of my chosen family where he listed some of the things he was thankful for. While it was amazingly beautiful in and of itself it also served as a reminder to me. It is easy to get mired in the bullshitery of life. I was actually dreading Thanksgiving as my oven decided a couple of days ago to take a powder. Great! I can’t cook the stupid meal in my stupid oven in my stupid house. Grumble grumble grumble. I forgot the most basic part of this particular holiday. I had lost perspective. So this is me realigning my perspective because I am grateful and thankful for just so much! I am lucky enough to be married to the most wonderful man I have ever had the privilege to meet. Every single day of my life he reminds me in a thousand little ways that I am loved. He provides for me and protects me. He cares for me. He tells me several times a day that he loves me and every single time I believe him. He makes me smile even in the darkest hours of my life. With his arms wrapped around me I know that I am home, no matter where I am. I hope that I will always prove myself worthy of him. Jason, I am thankful for you. I have an energetic, outgoing, funny, creative, talented, clever daughter who a cherish. She is the light of my life. I never thought I would have a child as they both confused and terrify me. But the universe had other plans. And though I loved her while I was pregnant I was still terrified. However when I met her, the first time I laid eyes on her it was all over. The way she looked at me as if to say “Oh, that’s you. And he must be him.” Well, I cry every time I think back. I have been privileged to watch my daughter grow from a baby to a child to a young woman. She amazes me every single day. She makes me laugh at the most absurd things. She is everything and more than I could ever ask for. I am thankful for you Iliana. I have a mother and father who love me unconditionally. This year they took the step I have been hoping they would for years and got a divorce. Freed from the stigma of marriage they are forging a friendship which is by far healthier than the life they lived as husband and wife. I am thankful for both their love and support but also for their personal growth. I am thankful for you Mom and Dad. My blood family is a series of amazing and odd individuals for which I am very grateful to have in my life. One of my greatest reasons to give thanks are my chosen family. Too often in my life the people I called friends were not. Our relationships were always one sided affairs. However there has always been an exception to that in the form of the greatest friend I have ever had: Keith. We were brought together freshman year of high school by our mutual weirdness (for lack of a better term). We brought creativity to a whole new level that many folks at the school did not know how to interpret. Even after our common schooling ended our friendship endured. Even now, across many hundreds of miles he still is the best friend I have ever had. His support has been invaluable in the most trying of times. His love has been a comfort to me. His friendship has made my happiest days that much better. All is better because he is in my life. I am thankful for you Keith. And in the same breath I must also express my thankfulness to his husband Chris. Just as Keith watched me struggling with… well we will just say the wrong partner, I watched Keith with partners who hurt, harmed or underminded this incredibly creative, intelligent man. And then there was Chris, who saw Keith for who he really was and loved him all the more for it. Chris and Keith found the kind of happiness that often you only read about. And as I grew to know him I understood why. He is an amazing man who is devoted and loving and caring and everything I could ever hope for the partner of my best friend. I am proud to call him my friend. I am thankful for you Chris. 5 or so years ago I discovered a group of kinky perverts who changed my life in the best possible way. Not only did they give me an opportunity and a place to explore all those dark parts of my mind but also extended their friendship beyond that realm into the light of day. They encouraged me to find my bliss. They supported me. They hugged me. They never used me. And they did one simple thing that I had not experienced before. They asked me how I was. Up to that point the people I called friends never asked how I was. It was always the “Them Show”. So asking me, even in the most off handed manner, how I was doing was transformative. I honestly can’t express how much these people mean to me. Sitting in the woods and talking around the campfire is a happy memory I will carry to the end of my days. All the conventions where I work alongside each of you is a treasure in my heart. Every communal meal, a delight. I love each and every one of you. Barak and Sheba I am thankful for you. The each and every member of the AIS staff, I am thankful for you. To all my friends who are just too numerous to list, I am thankful for you. You are all more than friends to me. You are my chosen family. I hope that when you are eating Turkey or whatever your tradition is, that you will pause and let all the trivialities fall away. The car that needs work. The oven that needs replaced. The bills that need paid. That is just the static. Recall the things in your life that have true meaning. The people who love you. The people you are grateful for. If you are reading this, I am grateful and thankful for you. Lots of love and tryptophan, Lana

Mistress at the Movies: Savages

It has been a while since I have done an installment of Mistress at the Movies. I’ve been wanting to but, alas, I just haven’t gotten around to it. However the movie I watched last night sparked an hour long conversation with the husband and I thought I might share.

Savages is your standard drug dealer gets into a pickle with a major cartel story. You know the one I am talking about. I will admit I was not thrilled to watch it. The husband picked it out and he is notorious for bringing home terrible rip-your-own-eyes-out-it’s-so-bad movies. Let’s just say I had my doubts. However within the first 5 minutes you could tell that there was something different about this movie. Where the standard formula is Dealer with the heart of gold + Lady friend / greedy cartel= good times, Savages deveated. Their adjusted formula was Dealer with the heart of gold + lady friend + Another dealer with a heart of gold / greedy drug cartel = good time. I know what you are thinking ‘Oh good gods! Not another love triangle!’ but that is where you are wrong. Because while there are three leads, in the entirety of the movie there was no rivalry or jealousy. These 3 characters were in a completely open, completely honest, completely inclusive polyamorous relationship. I watch a ton of movies. Well, a metric fuck-ton to be exact. Time and time and time and time again I see the “traditional” relationship dynamics on the screen. Most often it is man + woman. Sometimes it is man + man or woman + woman. If there is a 3rd character in the mix it is usually if not always an unfaithful lover, or the big decision the main character needs to make. “Do I love person A more than I love person B”. And in the end everyone is happy. (except usually person B). Only a few times have I seen the “non traditional” relationship dynamics. There have been movies that tried to tackle the subject of polyamory (Threesome). Of this small minority of movies most often the depiction relates to a religious backing for multiple wives (Ie.. Big Love, the King and I, etc). But when this subject is broached it is ALWAYS Man + woman + woman. Why? Because girl on girl has been the accepted exception to the rule. I think that is sad. Don’t get me wrong. I love girl on girl. (My porn collection can attest to that!) The few times I have seen a movie that encorperates 2 men and a woman have been clumsily done and it was quite obvious that the director had made cuts to make the movie more commercially viable. Savages didn’t. Within the first 5 minutes it is established yes, there is a dealer with a heart of gold played by Taylor Kitsch of John Carter notoriety, and yes there is the girl he loves (Blake Livey) but there is also another dealer with a heart of gold (the scrumptious Aaron Taylor-Johnson). They don’t fight. They don’t screw around behind each others backs. They aren’t jealous. They are simply happy. I liked that a lot. They don’t seek to justify the relationship, it simply is. Sure, others aren’t exactly sure what is going on. Is she with him or him, or both? But never once in the movie do they spell it out to these outsiders. And the impression that you get is that it is a VERY STRONG relationship. Both men love this woman but what is more, the men love each other. That is referenced by several of the outsiders. “Don’t fool yourself girl, those two love each other more than they love you.” Whereas it is perfectly obvious that the men do love the girl (the plot kind of hangs on that point) they do clearly love each other. Minus the swishy sterotypes. What a refreshing change! The movie itself is long (over 2 hours) and as I said a bit formulaic. However it was pretty well acted and did keep me entertained. The cinematography is decent to good and Oliver Stone's direction keeps the long story moving most of the time. Is it a cinematic masterpiece? No. However as many times as I have seen Drug Dealer Vs Cartel I had not seen this vision of it. And as I said it was a refreshing change of pace. Did I wish they would have pushed further? Well of course! There were a few times when they pulled their punches when it came to man-man love. However there was enough chemistry between the two male leads that I bought that there was a deep love there. I told my husband afterward that they finally made a movie that some of my poly friends might be able to relate to. Beyond the poly value there were other draws. I love me some Benicio Del Toro. And Selma Hyack is enough of a reason for me to watch in and of itself. However as talented as Benicio is and as hot as Selma is (yes, she is smokin!) it was the love of these 3 people that drives the movie. And I dug that. My only serious complaint (besides the need for a touch more editing to cut down the length of the movie) was the prop weed used. In this day in age there is no excuse for using brown tobacco and calling it weed. That little oversight started a 10 minute conversation between the husband and I about what was being smoked. Was it hash? However the living plants looked tasty as hell so I forgave them their tobacco faux pas. If you are interested in seeing a different take on the usual then check out Savages.

MY MAN! O-motherfucking-H!